On My Own

Decisions

MARIA'S POV~

I wake up to the sound of Amanda whining in the crib beside our bed.  

"Babe, it's your turn." I say throwing the pillow over my face.  

No response. 

I grunted, got up and cradled her in my arms.  

I sang her to sleep like I always do, letting her drift off as I sang little things....Her tiny eyes shut and she rested on my chest. I rocked her and finally put her down once more.  

I rubbed my eyes, no longer able to sleep. I checked the time. It was 6:30 a.m. I walked across the dark room towards the bathroom door.

I walked in, shutting the door quietly Behind me. I got ready for my job at a fast food restaurant nearby. It wasn't the best job in the world but at least it paid enough for me to support Amanda. As I was washing my face, Jason walked in crashing into the side table that held a vase. It fell to the floor, shattering into millions of pieces.  

Amanda began wailing.  

"Jason!" I scream as I turn the knob on the sink.  

"What!?" He says as if he did nothing wrong. 

"You woke her up and I have to be at work in thirty minutes! My boss told me not to be late again or I'm out of work!" He rolled his eyes. 

"Just shut her up then! You're the one that wanted to keep her." He walked out the front door, leaving me to handle everything as always. I walked back into the room, cutting the light on.  

Amanda glared at me. 

She let out a screech and I picked her up. I decided to leave her awake, because she would fall asleep on her own anyway.  

I sat her down in her play pen and began to get dressed. I threw on skinny jeans and a black tank top. I let my hair out because I knew Amanda would end up pulling it out anyway.  

I pick up my phone and Amanda, walking out of the room towards the living room.  

I put Amanda in her feeding chair and got out her apple sauce. I pulled up a chair next to hers and dialed my boss' number.  

It sent me straight to voice mail so I just left a message.  

"Hi this is Maria, I just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to make it to work today. I hope you get this message and call back as soon as you can." I hung up and looked at Amanda.  

I knew I was going to get fired today and it's hard for me to find a job. I'm only 17 and I have no time to get back to school. 

Amanda was unexpected, to both me and Jason. He wanted me to get an abortion but I wanted to keep her . No one approved of this but me. I didn't care what other people thought. It was my decision because I was the one who was going to give birth to her in the end. I considered adoption but I could only see myself reflected in her eyes on the day she was born. She was so beautiful and I wanted her to be mine. Even if It meant losing the other people I love.

As I fed Amanda I got constant tweet alerts about one direction coming to my town. I was excited but there was no way I could go. Amanda was my main priority and I had to take care of her that day. I served myself a cup of coffee and cleaned her chair. I picked her up, holding her to my hip. She dug her tiny nails into my shirt, not wanting to slip out of my grasp. I began to get her ready and pulled her dirty blonde hair into a ponytail. She squealed with joy as I put on her coat and hat. Her tiny eyes peered at me from under the oversized hat. She giggled and it made me laugh myself.  

"I love you!" I say pulling her into a hug, her tiny arms embracing me as well.  

"I wuv you too mommy!" she replied. She was growing up so fast, soon she would be walking. Her birthday was in a couple of Weeks and she would be two. I was almost 16 when I had her, but she came earlier than expected. We were two weeks apart and that was also something I kept close to me. She was born late march and I was born in the middle of April. I never spent money on my birthday, because I wanted to make hers special. She had beautiful green eyes, just like her dad. I picked her up and grabbed my keys. We were off to my best friend Michelle's house. She's one of few people who stood by me after I learned about my pregnancy . Even through elementary school, middle school and high school, she was by my side. We were like peanut butter and jelly. We were better together and apart we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves. As I pulled up to her driveway, I heard the sound of one directions music coming through her bedroom window. I laughed at this. "Oh Michelle." I pulled the key out of the ignition and went to the back door and unbuckled Amanda's seatbelt. She reached out her arms, wanting me to pick her up.  

"I'm coming." I say as I get her and shut the door behind me with my free hand.  

I ring the doorbell and hear feet shuffling across her hallway carpet. She opened the door, smiling widely.  

"Hi ! Come on in ." It was 7:00 now, and Michelle is the only one I knew would be up with so much energy this early.  

"Auntie M!" Amanda yelled.  

"Hi Mandy!" They had names for each other and I know Amanda calls Michelle auntie because she's basically my sister.  

"So what are you doing for your birthday this year?" She asks plopping down on the couch.  

"Nothing . I don't even have a job." I reply letting Amanda crawl around the floor.  

She looked at me.  

"Was it Jason again?"  

I nodded. 

"You need to learn he's nothing but trouble. He's always pulling you back. He's holding you back from achieving your goals."  

"I know but what am I going to do anyway? If I leave him, I have no where to go. I have a daughter now." She considered this for a moment then snapped her fingers. 

"You could stay with me for a while. My mom wouldn't mind. As long as Amanda doesn't break anything. Plus she could take care of her while we celebrate your birthday."  

Amanda found Michelle's dog and played with its tail. 

"Amanda don't hurt the dog." I say as she tries pulling it. The dog yelped, and she burst into tears. 

I got off the couch and picked her up, returning and placing her in my lap. Her head rest against my chest as she fell asleep.  

"Do you see why I can't celebrate? I have to make sure she's ok. I chose to keep her so now I have to take care of her. But I can stay here."  

"Yay!!!" Michelle turned up the volume of her stereo letting Live while we're young fill the room.  

"And come on it's your eighteenth birthday. My mom is great with babies. Trust me. I have a big surprise for you for your birthday!" She gave me a puppy dog face and I rolled my eyes, smiling.  

"Fine." I reply.  

Then my phone rang in my back pocket , still on vibrate.

"Hello?" I answered as Amanda shut her eyes tightly on my chest. She was finally asleep.  

"Hello , Maria." I heard my boss' soft voice go through the receiver.  

"Yes." I replied.  

"I got your message, are you not returning to work?" I thought about this for a moment but I was done being a cashier. I was going to explore my options.  

"No. I'm going to try to pursue my singing career." She laughed at my response and finally controlled herself enough to speak. 

"Ok. Sure whatever you want. Pick up your last pay check today at 12:00." I hung up the phone, annoyed with her.  

What was she laughing at? I threw the phone on the space next to me.  

"So, lets go get my stuff." I tell Michelle who was cleaning her cd.  

"Sure." She replied. "One direction in the car?"  

"Why not?" I said getting up and following her out the front door.