chocolate milkshakes | rodrick heffley

chapter ten: heartache

[rodrick's pov]

i stare at my phone screen feeling incredibly frustrated with myself. why the hell did i have to go and do that? why the hell did i have to fucking kiss her? she said she wasn't ready for this type of thing. she's probably still hurting from eric. she needs a friend right now, not some guy pining after her and trying to kiss her any chance he gets. i feel like such a dick. 

i should probably head home, i feel more sober now. hopefully mom doesn't hear me sneaking back in. she would totally kill me. i look up at my radio as i turn my van on, checking the time.

4:38 a.m.

holy shit. i didn't realize it was that late. maybe tate is asleep? maybe she's not mad at me. i would do anything for things to go back to normal, she was finally starting to feel more comfortable around me. i wonder what happened while she was with eric to make her so cautious of a new relationship. what did that fucking dickbag do to her? i take a deep breath, trying to shake the thought of something like abuse out of my head. god, the shit i would do to him if i found out he did anything like that to her...

rodrick, fucking stop. calm the hell down.

i back out of heather's house, trying to focus my mind on the road instead of tate.

i don't turn the radio on, it would only remind me of her singing along in my passenger seat, her hair blowing back and a big smile on her... holy shit this is so fucking hard. how am i not supposed to think about her when she's been the only important person in my life recently? my whole world revolves around her now.

my eyes well up with tears, blurring my vision. i have never been this affected by a girl before. it sucks.

i make it home in about ten minutes, then sneak in the back door to my room. i let out a sigh of relief once i make it to my room. mom and dad are asleep, im okay.

i curl up under my blankets and into a fetal position, not bothering to take off my costume. i sigh loudly. sometimes i am such a dumbass. im going to text her again. double texting isn't really something i tend to go for but this is tate.

to tater tot: pls just let me know if ur okay. see u at school? miss u. im sorry.

i throw my phone down onto the carpet and rub my eyes.

this is going to be a long weekend man.

                                monday

"hey tate!"

here i am. about to fucking embarrass myself. why the hell is she walking with eric? that little shit.

"oh, uhm, hey rodrick." tate smiles awkwardly.

"can i talk to you for a second?" i glare at eric, who is standing guard at her side. "alone?"

"sorry, i have to get to class, but maybe later?" she grimaces and turns around heading to class.

since when has she actually gone to school or taken it seriously? is eric making her do this? i knew something was up ever since he started tutoring her. he's definitely looking for a way back into her life. and ding ding ding! he hit jackpot with her failing math grade. i wish i wasn't in stupid remedial math or else i would be her tutor instead of that jackass.

my chest feels empty and raw. i get that empty aching feeling like bella talked about in twilight. was my life just going to be meaningless without her? without my edward? how is that fair?

°°°

to ben: shits going downhill with tate. idk what 2 do man.

ben: u don't need her. fuck bitches :P