chocolate milkshakes | rodrick heffley

epilogue

when i think of my worst fear, i think of loss. losing someone so close to you that it feels like you've suddenly been damaged beyond repair or recovery. and on my sixteenth birthday i experienced this fear, lived through it. survived it.

after rodrick left me, i took it upon myself to actually get the help he had been begging me to get. i was admitted to inpatient, where they taught me that my emotions and feelings were not uncommon. not alien. something i genuinely needed to hear. i always got wrapped up in my own thoughts, blaming every single person but myself.

following my release from inpatient, i continued therapy, eventually getting a few handy dandy diagnoses. once my dad understood a little bit more of what i was going through, he seemed to open up. he started going to my therapy sessions, listening to my side of things. things are better with my dad. not exactly where they need to be, but much, much better.

i let my natural hair grow back in and i let myself become more like the person i always tried to suppress, which, by the way, gave a whole new definition to the term freedom.

i finished my senior year of high school at home. my dad and stepmom both believed that it would be beneficial for me, mainly because my main problem my junior year was just showing up to school.

i got accepted at a university in new york, where i'm working to get my bachelor's in film studies. life is finally starting to look up. the release that i prayed for in high school finally came.

there was just one thing missing.

the boy who taught me how to be loved, the boy who showed me a different side of life. the boy who i owe so much to.

and here i am, years later, still a blushing mess as he picks up the phone.

"tate?" his voice sounds rougher through the phone, but still couldn't be mistaken for anyone else's.

"you really kept my contact saved." i laugh, my eyes crinkling with contentment.

"oh my god. i haven't heard from you since junior year. how are you?"

"i'm actually doing great. how have you been?"

"good. things have been crazy if i'm being honest. we got signed to a label and it's been really busy." he sighs lightly.

"wow, rodrick, that's great. that's really great." my heart swells up with pride.

"i know right." a beat of silence and then, "i missed you like crazy, tate. you have no idea."

"i missed you too. it's been so long, i was really questioning if i should call you or not."

"don't be dumb, of course you should've. what did i say that day?"

"that you wanted to be the first person i called when i was ready. don't think i forgot." i bite my lip, hesitating to ask the next question. out with it. "um and, i was wondering if you wanted to see me?"

silence.

"sorry that was-" i attempt to fix my awkward mistake.

"yes, i want to see you, duh. i just- you really wanna see me after all this time?"

"that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard. of course i wanna see you." i roll my eyes. always so humble. "i'm coming back home for spring break, you still hang around there?"

"heh, for the time being, yeah. i guess i just couldn't escape mama heffley."

"no need to be embarrassed man, if susan was my mom, i'd live at home 'til i was 40."

i smile at his laugh on the other end of the phone. that shit was pure ecstasy to hear after all this time.

about a week after that day on the phone with rodrick, i flew back home, feeling as giddy as i did in high school. returning home, after not seeing my family for months, was actually kind of nice. my little brother seemed to be rocking some sort of mullet and my dad got a cat? okay, weird.

since my room had been turned into some sort of yoga studio for rowan, i stayed at a hotel nearby. plus, i like to smoke weed and my dad still doesn't seem to be chill with that.

finally the day came where it was time to go meet rodrick. my heart beat out of control as i was getting ready, and my hand was way too shaky to even attempt winged eyeliner.

now here i am, standing outside rise cafe, clutching my bag for dear life, ready to meet up with (quite possibly) the love of my life for the first time in years.

i inhale and step through the doors. the smell brings back way too many memories. my eyes water a bit and i rub them quickly. come on, pull yourself together.

sitting over in the corner, at our favorite booth, is rodrick, and sure enough, two chocolate milkshakes sit on the table in front of him. i snort, shocked at the commitment to tradition.

who knew so much relief could be granted by a couple of chocolate milkshakes.