chocolate milkshakes | rodrick heffley

chapter six: breakdown

as im applying my eyeliner, i get a text from kat. i sigh. she better be at school today.

kat: meet me in the library this morning

why does she want to meet there? we always get breakfast? maybe she has something important to tell me. my stomach churns at the thought. we haven't been very close as of recent. she's been hanging out with other people, and i've been a little infatuated with rodrick i will admit.

i throw on the jacket that rodrick never took back, and step out the door. it's even colder today. you'd think october was a little early for snow.

once im on the bus, i start to worry more about what kat has to say to me. what if she's upset with me? am i overthinking this? when was the last time we even hung out outside of school? is it my fault? she's been drifting away more than i have, it can't possibly be something i did?

i take a deep breath, telling myself to stop thinking about it, i pop in my headphones and put on my favorite playlist. i try to remind myself that it's going to be alright, regardless of what she has to say to me, but something just doesn't feel right. and for the most part, my intuition is normally correct.

i almost trip as im getting off the bus, catching myself last minute. my nerves are really on edge today. the bus driver gives me a worried glance as i wave at him sheepishly.

i walk to the library, my heart beating out of my chest. when i see kat's face, i can feel that i was right. she's not here to hang out and make jokes. she has something to say to me. something upsetting. my heart sinks.

i plop down in the seat in front of her.

"what's up?" i ask, trying to appear nonchalant. my voice crack gives away my anxiety.

"so, i've been thinking a lot recently about our friendship" she lets out a sigh. i brace myself. "and i just think it would be best if we ended things."

that's it. those are the words that i was practically shitting myself, worried over.

"oh." is all i manage to say.

"it's just, something about you makes me anxious. and i don't want to deal with that anymore. seeing you gives me anxiety." she says coldly.

"that's all? you don't think i deserve more of an explanation for this?" we've only been friends for three years.

"frankly, i don't really owe you any explanation, tate. you make me anxious. end of story." kat snaps at me, before picking up her bag and walking out the doors.

although i practically knew this was going to happen, i can't help but be shocked at the hurtful way she worded it. like she's better than me. like this is all somehow my fault. i try to gather myself as the bell rings, but my tears cloud my vision. i can't think straight. i'm so full of anger and betrayal. how could she do this to me? how could she make me feel so worthless, so disposable? the tears spill out, running down my face. i grab my bag and head for the gate. fuck school. it can wait.

i pull out my phone to text rodrick. he's the only person i feel like i can turn to right now.

to rodrick: hey, im outside the school. do u wanna skip?

my phone goes off immediately.

rodrick: yeah i'll be there in a sec

i sigh, wiping the tears from under my eyes. i don't want him to see me like this. why did i text him?

i plop down on the sidewalk outside of the school gates and pick at the loose strings on my ripped jeans. maybe im overreacting. people grow apart. maybe it actually is me. am i the problem? was i being toxic? was i not making enough time for her? my lower lip trembles as my tears threaten to spill out again. im a total mess. rodrick shouldn't have to see me like this.