My life is a mess.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to end my life.
But then she came.
And because of her, I've found Him.
And I didn't know that I'll say this again...
I'm so glad that I'm alive.
When I was a kid, I used to love reading. There will never be a time that I didn't finish one book for a day. Or sometimes I can finish two books in one day. I am addicted to it to the point that after class, I will go to a nearby book store and I will buy 3 to 5 books. Our driver, Erick would escort me and help me carry my books. But once we got home, I will get it from him and run inside our mansion. And my mom would be surprised that I have a lot of things when I got home.
"Clyde, what are those?" my mom would ask pointing to the things I'm carrying. While she is seating on our sofa sipping her favorite tea. Every day she would wait for us her children to go home from school. And would welcome us with kisses and hugs even if I don't want it. Because I'm a grown-up. I was 8 years old at that time.
"I bought a couple of books. By the way, mom, tell our maids to just go to the library for my food. I need to read these books right away."
I would see my mom's smiling face and she would tell me, "Okay Clyde, whatever you say. Enjoy reading."
I would reply, "I will," with a smile on my face. And I would run excitedly towards our library. I would always miss her hugs and kisses. Because I so badly want to read my books.
But little did I know that I will regret missing those things she used to do for us. I didn't even know that being busy reading my books and always missing my mom's hugs and kisses will inflict great pain on me. I regretted every waking moment that I evade those little moments with my mom. Even up to this point in my life that it sucks that I am the only one alive.
I put away the books Jam gave me and she led me to what she said earlier, my room. The door was a plain wooden door with no design to it. But the doorknob is gold plated and when she opened it, I was amazed at how big the room was. The first one I see is like a mini-office with couches on both sides and at the center and a long couch at the center of the room with a table. And there are tons of books on the shelves on my left and right. And I see a wooden spiral staircase.
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"Dimitri, ito na ang magiging kwarto mo sa bahay na 'to. You can decide if you want to add some furniture or you want to change things according to your taste. You can tell me anything you want to add. Is it okay for you?"
Hindi ko maiwasang manahimik at tingnan ang kabuuan ng buong kwarto. At pakiramdam ko nanalo ako ng milyones. I didn't even know that I will feel something inside of me. A feeling that I am safe and secure. And I still can't believe that she told me that this is my room. I'm going to be honest, that the room where we are now is much bigger than my room in our old mansion. I couldn't ask for more. I don't have the right to be picky because what I have is everything. I've lived in the streets for almost half of my life. Now that I have room to sleep and relax, I will make most of it.
