𝑻𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 ~ ᴮⁱˡˡʸ ᴹᵃˣⁱᵐᵒᶠᶠ

Chapter Two

TW//Mentions of suicide//

Billy grabbed his backpack and walked downstairs, earlier than usual but Agnus still sat at her spot on the counter, coffee in hand and Facebook open on her laptop. "Morning Agnes..." Billy muttered, still half asleep.

"Well, you're here early." She chirped, glad to see him. 

"Yeah...yeah...whatever..." he grabbed an apple off the counter and took a bite.

"I've never seen you up this early." She turned to face him clearly wanting a conversation out of him. Something he wasn't going to give.

"I'm depressed, gay, and lonely, I've got nothing better to do." he groaned then realized what he said. He blew his cover. Six years and he comes out just because it's 'too early in the morning'? Bullshit. "Wait....no....I-" he stuttered out, speechless and setting his apple on the counter.

"Don't worry about it!" Agnes smiled sweetly, "I figured as much. Teddy came over a lot..." she looked back to her computer and kept scrolling. 

"I-" Billy was still shocked, "He didn't come over that much..." he bit his lip and hoped she didn't ask if they 'did it'. 

"Are you still a virgin?" She asked, staring at her computer, un-altered by the question. 

"I-I'm not gonna answer that!" his voice went up an octave and he looked away, panicked. 

Agnes sighed, "Really Billy?" 

Billy, desperate to change the subject brought up the kid puzzling him, "So there's a new kid..."

"Billy." she deadpanned, "Fine. Whatever, what's their name?" her voice went to its normal cheery state while asking what his name was. 

"Kristoff Peirce..."

"Like Frozen?" 

"I don't know..." he paused, "he has Teddy's locker now..." he muttered and looked down, jumping onto the counter next to her. Agnes shut her computer and hugged Billy. 

"You must've really loved him..." She said, and kissed his head, "He's okay you know...he's gone but he's okay..." 

Billy leaned into her, "What if he's not? What if...what if he's scared or something? Then what?" 

"He's okay, Billy, Teddy's okay...and one day...and it doesn't have to be soon, you're gonna find a new guy and you're gonna be happy with him...no matter what Westview says." 

"But what if he dies too? Then what?" he asked, "Agnes I have a curse...everyone I love dies!" he was close to tears, "everyone..." he breathed out, "I-I wouldn't be surprised if you're next..." 

Agnes sighed again, touched to know that he loved her, and kissed his head again. "Alright...alright..." he started crying, "let it out...let it all out..." she mumbled into his hair. 

That was the first time since Teddy's death that Billy had cried. He hadn't cried like this since his twin brother's death years prior. The first death, the one that started it all. He did cry when his parents died just not as much compared to when Tommy died. Tommy and Billy had an unspoken bond, Tommy knew things about Billy that even Billy didn't know yet. Tommy had helped Billy through everything right up until he died. Billy was the one who found Tommy.

It was in front of the now shut down arcade, Tommy was going to meet one of his friends, David, or sometimes called Prodigy for reasons beyond Billy. He was walking to the arcade to join them, his mom told him he needed to get out of the house more. He could remember walking down the street and saw David holding Tommy like it was a 30s movie and the girl just died. That was his first panic attack. He didn't even notice David kissing Tommy at the time. He remembered running away, he ran until he hit Ellis Avenue and he stopped there to catch his breath. He was just fourteen. 

A year later he found a suicide note. When he found out Tommy died on purpose he cried again and told his mom, who was in the hospital for severe lung cancer. He remembered her reading it to him because he couldn't read it himself. 

     Dear Billy, Mom, and Dad

     I did it on purpose and if you're reading this, I didn't survive. And that's what I want. I don't want to live anymore. I know it's selfish and I know that you guys will just hate me more. I'm sorry okay? I am and I know I wasn't good enough for you! I know Billy's the favorite twin. I accept that. 

     Billy, I love you. I don't blame you, you were like the one thing I had to live for. I want to see you be successful and I know we're the same age and twins and shit but you're like my little brother and all I want for you is success. I know it doesn't seem like that sometimes but I love you dorkasauras. 

     Mom, I love you too. You're beautiful and amazing and I want you to get better. My death won't help at all in fact it'll probably make it worse and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't take it anymore, it's getting too hard. No one gets me, I don't get me, I wake up every morning and I don't want to get up. My breakdowns have been becoming more frequent and they're longer. I'm sorry for all the money you've wasted on me. Tell uncle Pete it isn't his fault either.

     Dad, and of course I love you. Don't blame anyone in the family for this. You've helped me through a lot and I thank you for that. But I hate to say it, it wasn't enough. I know you did everything you could. I know you probably hate me now but I want you to forgive me because I acknowledge what I'm about to/have do/done. And my big message for you is, don't give up on mom. She loves you more than you could ever understand.

    I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I go to sleep every night hoping I don't wake up in the morning. I'm sorry for being so selfish. I'm sorry that I just couldn't hold out. I'm sorry this letter is overly formal. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry. I love you three more than you know and I don't want you guys obsessing over this. I'm so sorry. There's a letter for David in my closet get that to him, please? I have a feeling he's gonna be there.

-Tommy

His mom was crying by the time she finished reading the letter and Billy had regretted what he had made her do and a few days later she died too. Billy still to this day couldn't fully comprehend why he did it. He just hoped one day he could see Tommy again.

***

Billy walked into school, no longer crying and knowing that could quite possibly be the last time he'd cry in months, years, or even decades. He wasn't sure yet.

---Author's Note---
I'm sorry this is overly depressing. Also I know that Tommy isn't actually depressed and I'm not really using cannon- I'm sorry
---Author's Note---