Pain Mascara

Chapter 09

Home was as usual, boring and quiet without Jerrard’s presence. And thank god dad never brought his “Mrs. Anderson to be” never ever in front of my presence again. But I found out that she was his new secretary and one of the main stakeholders in the company and now that they are formally going out.

And I never make it a point to meet dad face to face to open up our selves for any conversation after all what we’ve been through. Seeing the calm and quietness at home I thought maybe the letter that I left home for dad last time could have done major impact over him. And most of the time I spent time inside the room watching movies, listening to music, reading books and at times I went on walks with Sheila to the park which was nearby where me and Jerrard used to play when we were so small.

At home Sheila was the only possible attraction I had if not for her I wouldn’t be even coming home even during my vacation because I knew for a fact that she was expecting me to be home every holiday. She always liked giving me the love which I never got or the care which I never had in my life.

One morning I heared someone knocking on the door. As I opened up the door it was dad standing in front of me. I looked at him and walked off back to the room still opening up the door for him to creep in. He followed me in to the room. As I sat back on my chair dad opened up himself for conversation……

“Stephie, would you mind giving me sometime alone to talk with you?”

So formal, I don’t even know whether every dad who runs businesses is as same as mine but I felt so uncomfortable in front of my very own dad who’s now asking me to provide him some time to talk alone.

“Dad, would you mind giving me just fifteen minutes to get dressed, I’ll be there in the living room…”, I said.

I got dressed and ran to the living room to meet dad. He was on the phone and as soon as he saw me he hung up and stared at me inviting me to sit on the couch by the window.

“Stephie, I am so sorry for all the things we’ve been through, but I always regret you creating distance from me.”

I didn’t speak I only listened with tears falling down from my eyes allowing dad to speak up on his own.

“You know, I never wanted Jerrard to leave home, and I don’t say that I was not responsible for all what we’ve been through, but certain things I couldn’t handle on my own, and now seeing you not talking to me even making it so worst which I couldn’t stand alone at all”.

Still I remained calm and quiet because I didn’t know what to say, I was always the one who get hurt trying to fix everything back to normal, now seeing dad so emotional saying sorry for all his bad behavior and its impact on me and Jerrard, made me so speechless in front of him. The only feeling I had towards him was my anger and hurt and now seeing him apologizing for all he made was so unbearable for me to pick up words on my own to respond. Listening to dad expressing his feelings over the frail family bonds and all the calamity which we went through made me feel like a victim awaiting for a criminal to explain all the disaster which been created by his own bad behavior.

And it made me feel so vulnerable over the fact of seeing dad’s bad behavior and blaming myself for never speaking my words out. And even today I regretted for not doing so as a daughter who loved him no matter after all what he did for all of us.

Expecting me to answer he suddenly raised up a question for me; “So Stephie tell me how’s university going on?”

“Hmmm…Dad it’s going on fine”, I said.

“So how long is your vacation? Any plans?”

“For about three months dad, nope not really”

“Anything in particular which you want to do? Or which you really like to do?”

For the first time I felt so open with my very own dad after eighteen years of my life.

“Well dad I wanted to apply for any summer internships if any available”, I said.

To my surprise dad responded saying “So what if I offer a job at our own company maybe to do something you like”.

Knowing that Mrs. Anderson to be also is working in the same company I never wanted to invite trouble to ruin my life which is almost half way screwed up. So I thought for a while and responded saying, “Dad thanks for the offer but…….. Well…….” I almost lost my words thinking how to put this out. And I picked up myself saying, “Hmmm…… Dad I don’t think it’s a good idea, that’s fine I can look up for a job somewhere else”.

“Stephie I know what you mean, don’t worry I’m not going to employ you at the main plant in LA, would you mind joining the new venture I bought, I am sure you would love working there”

“Dad I know, but since you starting up a new life with Miss. Jessica I don’t think it’s a good idea in offering me a job in your business”.

“Stephie I know what you thinking, it doesn’t mean that I am going to create distance from you or Jerrard, on the other hand I don’t think Jessica need to know what I am doing with my kids, specially that’s far beyond her interest”

“Come on dad, I know now you have started up your own personal life, so why you need to interrupt it with us, specially with me”.

“Stephie I know you mad at me for everything and I don’t blame you for that, I am not responsible for certain things, it’s just me and your mom couldn’t move on together, that’s why we took a break, I mean a permanent break, and Jerrard, I know for that I am totally responsible, but tell me what should I do when my kids are trying to abandon me from their lives?”

“Dad please don’t try to start up with me, don’t let me talk of all those because you may not know how abandoned we were without mom and without a family…..”, I remember I cried so loud and dad holding me till I healed myself back to normal.

“Stephie I am so sorry for everything, but I don’t know please think of the offer I gave you, I am not forcing you on your decisions but I would love to see my kids getting involved in my business, I don’t know kid it’s up to you”, he said and walked out of the living room.

And I walked back to my room and started thinking of all the conversation we had. After so many ages I felt so comfortable at home, having a good dad and daughter conversation made me breathe peacefully in my own room and that day I was so filled with happiness. And thinking about the offer he gave me finally I said yes to it which I regretted now.