Pain Mascara

Chapter 04

Coming home late in the night I found it hard to wake up in the morning. The last time I drank with my friends were in LA the day Joe graduated from the university. We had so much fun together. As I can remember it was the last hangover we ever had. Ever since then I’ve never been sent out on any night outs after all scolding’s from my beloved mom and my responsible brother Jerrard. My mom being an Asian born and brought up in under the Asian cultural influence never accepted either me or Jerrard going out drinking and partying. I would consider her as a control freak, but I always enjoyed her punishments and guidance because I felt without her I would be nothing by now. Married to my dad who was brought up in America since the day he was born they both were like the moon and the sun, very different to each other.  My dad being an American brought up in LA always bargain money and his career over family and other relationships. I remember my mom crying over the phone with her best friend saying marrying my dad was the biggest mistake she ever did in her life. But with all those pressure she managed to raise up both me and my brother Jerrard who is a pearl comparatively to me who has almost screwed up everything in life.

My dad always thought that money is the foundation for any relationship and he spent most of his time on office tours, business conferences and what not which we could not even at times figure out. And whenever he was home either he get busy with work or he start over a fight with my mother to make her undergo so much depression and I still remember the scars all over her face as a result of my dad’s cruel suffocations. And as a result of all these my mom and dad got separated and finally dad’s brother influenced dad to persuade my mom to sign the divorce which I am pretty sure she did with regrets over the bargaining power of my dad and his rich family who is good for nothing. The divorce never brought us any rainbows or gems it only brought in storm and lightning in to our lives. And me and Jerrard ended up being with dad all alone in LA.

I remember the day mom packed all her bags and depart to grandma’s house in Washington. It still reflects in my mind like a movie trail. And I am pretty sure it will never ever get erased from my mind even if I die one day. I still remember we both cried asking her not to leave, hanging on to her hand luggage and my dad with no love or affection over her asking his brother Steve to drop her at the airport. I think ever since then I started hating my dad, not just hating I almost cursed him even in my dreams. No matter how much he spent on our education and all ever since he left mom and take us away from her I cursed him and cursed even staying in LA.

Ever since mom left to Washington day by day dad started getting busy with his own work. At times he forgot to come home and even he forgot that he got two kids whom he caged away from mom under his authority. But he never let us miss any creature comforts of life. We had our own luxurious life style here in LA not like any other ordinary kid. I remember I had Sheila my nanny who looked after me since the day mom left LA. And always he had his own co workers who worked for us at home fulfilling our own needs inside our own world which was limited to school and home.

Jerrard was always a smart kid and he managed to win dad’s trust and heart. But me as the disobedient and “good for nothing daughter” whom dad used to call when he was suppose to be introducing me to his high class friends never won the trust of him which I never wanted to. As a result of Jerrard’s respect over my dad as he grew old dad let him manage work at home and at times let him to look after his business when he’s away from LA. This made both of us to enjoy the freedom and most of the time I managed to get through to mom over the phone at least once a week with the help of Jerrard and Sheila. Since childhood Jerrard saw the fear in my eyes and the sadness in my voice. So he always showed me the love and care which I never got, the freedom which dad blocked from my life. Jerrard actually brought me back in to my life and he always tried to fill the vacuum which been created by not having mom around in a girl’s life.

Despite all the misery and heart breakings I went through I managed to do well at school. And seeing me scoring well at school dad funded a lot on my education and he put me to the best university college in LA, California State University, Los Angeles. And I started meeting this wonderful guy Joe there on the first day in the university.