A Restless Mind

Growing up

I look back at my life, and I see pain; pain I will never be able to put into words, pain that will never abandon me, at least not completely.

I've been feeling lost recently, asking myself what's the point of it all, as I'm sure everyone has at one point of their lives. These times in my life tend to get dark, but then again, I never lose sight of what's important. It can get hard at times, but when you look back and see that pain, is that really all you see, or is that what you choose to see?

I've been getting better at it, letting anger and resentment turn into forgiveness and acceptance, acceptance that some things aren't meant to be for a reason, and seeing myself now, I don't hate who I've become, I've begun to work on my self care and love, love that no one would be able to give me, much less a stranger.

When I look back at my life, I do see pain, but it's not the only thing I see, not anymore. I see regret, I see longing, I see sadness and anger and loneliness, but I also see laughter, I see happiness and mischievousness and relief, I see memories of true and pure joy, memories I wouldn't trade for the world; memories with friends, some I've lost and some who are still with me; memories with family, some who are now gone and some who have always been by my side; memories of love, love that I know I've felt, love that I know is real, no matter how many times I've thought it wasn't.

These are the things I live for, for the memories I have, and the memories I'll make, because I know that no matter how much pain awaits me, it just means I have so much more to live for, and so much more happiness to experience. So no matter how hard times can get, how dark and how lonely, know this: No one can take away the memories you have, or the happiness you feel, or the life you have yet to live; no one can take that away except yourself.

So if you're lost, and feel like you have nowhere to go back to, then pave a new path, make a new life where you are no longer lost because you found a way out; don't wait for someone to save you, because the reality is, that person might never come. Listen to me, you don't need someone to save you, all you need is to rise up and save yourself. Live, make that choice for yourself, keep making memories, keep feeling joy, keep finding love, because one thing is for sure, in this moment, this moment that you're reading this, you are alive ... we are alive, when so many have died never knowing that all the strength they needed was within their selves.

This world is so beautiful, and it has so much to give if you're willing to take it; don't wait for it to be given, take it, because right now we are alive, and I don't know about you, but I have spent to much time wasting away from pain; I'm ready to move on, I'm ready to be my own strength, I'm finally ready to live for myself and enjoy every breath I take.

Time is running out, and I may even be gone by tomorrow, so I'll no longer think about it, because tomorrow doesn't even really exist. There is only today, this moment, and I am finally ready to live it. Are you?

Be strong, be brave, and never lose sight of the light, because it will always be there, ready to come back into your life if you're willing to let it.

And always remember,
You're alive, so live.

- Survivor