When midnight strikes, I fear falling asleep; the less I sleep, the better. A tear on my cheek as I write this at 3 a.m. , torturing myself to save my mind from insanity.
No matter how much I distract myself in the day, there is no escaping you at night. What am I supposed to do, when the only dreams I have are nightmares of you? Nightmares where I have to go through the same pain I went through the night I let you go. Nightmares that make it painfully clear that you don't love me anymore, and that maybe you never did; nightmares where you treat me as if we are strangers, where you love someone else.
I no longer want to sleep, because my sleep haunts me with memories of you. Maybe I can control my mind while I'm awake, but how in hell am I supposed to control them while I sleep?
Today I decided that maybe the answer to escape my nightmares is to talk to you, to ask you why? Why? WHY?
I'm afraid to ask you the question, because I'm afraid I already know the answer, an answer that I know will break me completely. But I guess this is what people call "closure".
What a stupid thing, to want to suffer more in order to let go of your past. But maybe that's just what I need to move on; the truth. I know that's what's really eating me inside, what keeps bringing back the nightmares.
I just hope I'll be able to hear your answer, and survive.
-Survivor
YOU ARE READING
A Restless Mind
CasualeHere are thoughts from a restless mind. This is the only way I know how to not drown in them. And maybe you will agree, letting me know that I'm not alone. Or maybe no one will, but it gives me peace to know that at least someone knows my thoughts...
