A Restless Mind

Phone call

The phone rang once before you picked up; I didn't let you speak. "I can't do this anymore, I feel like I'm dying inside the more I try to hang on to you" I said. You stayed silent, finally listening, or maybe you had nothing more to say.

I didn't want to keep going, I wanted you to stop me. "I care for you so I hope we can stay friends" I choked on those words, holding back the tears; and finally you spoke, and ended up breaking me completely, "I also hope we can stay friends, and-" " Shut up" I almost shouted as the tears were finally flowing freely down my face " Fuck this! You had your turn to speak to me for months and never did so now you have no right, it's my turn now. You know what, I don't hope we stay friends, because I can't be your friend, I don't want to. I'm letting you go knowing that I did everything possible to keep this relationship alive, I am leaving with no regrets or what if's."

You stayed so silent, never trying to deny anything, maybe you knew I was right; "I don't know why or when you stopped loving me but you're a coward for keeping me by your side just to hurt and ignore me, you're a coward for not ending this when you wanted. And you're so cruel, because you knew , I told you my deepest fear is to lose you, and still you are pushing me to let you go. I won't forgive you."

I was sure you could hear me, trying to cry silently, through the phone but still you said nothing. And I guess maybe we had already said everything there was to say. The last words I ever told you, were the hardest I've ever spoken in my life; " I love you, we're done, goodbye". At least you knew I loved you till the end. Sometimes I wonder what you would have said, if I had let you speak.