[Guest bedroom]
(Nightime, with a full moon. At Vastra's house, the Doctor is now wearing a full length night shirt. Clara and Jenny are listening at the door.)
DOCTOR [OC]: It's simply misunderstandable to me. I don't know what it is. Who invented this room?
(He opens the door and Clara Isabella and Jenny nearly fall inside.)
CLARA: Doctor, please, you have to lie down.
DOCTOR: It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it. Why is there only a bed in it?
Isabella : Because it's a bed room. It's for sleeping in.
DOCTOR: Okay, what do you do when you're awake?
JENNY: You leave the room.
DOCTOR: So you've got a whole room for not being awake in. But what's the point? You're just missing the room. And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious.
CLARA: Doctor, please. You have to lie down. You keep passing out.
DOCTOR: Well, of course I keep passing out. There's all these beds. Why do you keep talking like that? What's gone wrong with your accent? Why
JENNY: Nothing's wrong with her accent.
DOCTOR: You sound the same. It's spreading. You all sound all English. Now you've all developed a fault.
VASTRA: (with a Scots accent) Doctor, I need your help with something.
DOCTOR: Finally, someone who can talk properly.
VASTRA: I'm having difficulty sleeping.
DOCTOR Oh? Oh, well, I wouldn't bother with that, I never bother with sleep, and I just do standy-up catnaps.
VASTRA: Oh really, how interesting. And when do you do those?
DOCTOR: Well, generally whenever anyone else starts talking. I like to skip ahead to my bits. It saves time.
(Vastra gently leads him to the bed and they sit down.)
VASTRA: Save me time, Doctor. Project an image of perfect sleep into the centre of my mind.
DOCTOR: What, do you want a psychic link with me? The size of my brain, it would be like dropping a piano on you.
VASTRA: Be gentle, then.
DOCTOR: I'll try. Brace yourself. Piano.
(They put their fingers to the others temple. Boing! Doctor falls back onto the bed, sound asleep.)
VASTRA: (English accent) I love monkeys. They're so funny.
JENNY: Oh, I see. So people are monkeys now, are they?
VASTRA: No, dear. People are apes. Men are monkeys.
(They tuck the Doctor up in bed.)
Isabella : So what now?
VASTRA: He needs rest.
CLARA: So what do we do? How do we fix him?
JENNY: Fix him?
Isabella : How do we change him back?
VASTRA: Jenny, I will be in my chamber. Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?
JENNY: Why, are we expecting strangers?
VASTRA: It would seem there's already one here.
(Vastra leaves.)
CLARA: What have I done wrong?
(The sound of a sad dinosaur drifts into the room.)
JENNY: The dinosaur doesn't seem very happy.
Isabella : What's wrong with it?
JENNY: I dunno. The Doctor's the one that speaks dinosaur. Excuse me, ma'am. The wife doesn't like to be kept waiting.
CLARA: Where did he get that face? Why's it got lines on it? It's brand new. How can his hair be all grey? He only just got it.
JENNY: It's still him, ma'am. You saw him change.
Isabella : I know. I do. I, I know that.
JENNY: Good.
CLARA: It's just
JENNY: What?
Isabella : Nothing. If. If Vastra changed, if she was different, if she wasn't the person that you liked?
VASTRA: I don't like her, ma'am. I love her. And as to different? Well, she's a lizard.
(Clara goes to the window and hears the moaning dinosaur.)
DOCTOR: I am alone. The world which shook at my feet, and the trees and the sky, have gone. And I am alone now. Alone.
CLARA: Are you translating?
DOCTOR: The wind bites now, and the world is grey, and I am alone here. Can't see me. Doesn't see me. Can't see me.
Isabella : Who can't see it? I think all of London can see it.
STRAX: Boy? Madame Vastra is waiting.
CLARA: Okay. Whatever.
STRAX: I will convey you to her chamber. May I take your coat?
Isabella : Not wearing a coat.
STRAX: What's all that?
CLARA: Clothes.
STRAX: May I take your clothes?
Isabella : (sotto) Probably not.
STRAX: Are you wearing a hat?
CLARA: It's hair.
STRAX: No, I think it's a hat. Would you like me to check?
[Street]
(The lamplighter is at work, and middle-aged couple are walking together.)
ALF: It's not real, of course.
ELSIE: What is it, then?
ALF: The government.
ELSIE: The government?
ALF: Yeah, up to their usual tricks.
ELSIE: It's a dinosaur, Alf. A real dinosaur.
ALF: I wouldn't put it past them.
ELSIE: You don't half talk a lot of rubbish, Alfie. See you don't stay out too late now.
ALF: You know me.
ELSIE: Yes. I do.
(She gives him a peck on the cheek and leaves. The lamplighter illuminates a man standing in the shadows. He turns with a click.)
ALF: It's the neck. That's what's wrong with it. Just don't look realistic.
HALF-FACE MAN: You have good eyes.
ALF: Oh, I do, as it happens. Very good eyes. They're my greatest gift.
HALF-FACE MAN: I accept.
(The man takes a sharp two pronged fork from a case.)
ALF: What's that for?
HALF-FACE MAN: Your gift. I have bad eyes.
(The man turns towards Alf, to reveal that one eye and half his face is mechanical. Naturally, Alf screams.)
YOU ARE READING
The Story of an Idiot with a Box (Series 8) Doctor Who
ActionThe series is the first to star Peter Capaldi as the Twelfth Doctor, an alien Time Lord who travels through time and space in his TARDIS, which appears to be a British police box on the outside. It also stars Jenna Coleman Zoë Lewis as his companio...
