The Sixty-Eighth Hunger Games

Chapter 10- ADDIE

The rest of the interviews go by in a blur, but I manage to pay attention to a few of them. Brie answers with only sullen, one word answers, and Caesar has to pry at her to get any information. I'm not sure what her play is- possibly she's trying to come across as stoic? Or excessively tough? I'm not sure, but the crowd seems to see it as a promising omen for her performance in the Games.

Nick is very charming, giving hilarious answers to Caesar's questions, but he jokingly insults the Capitol every chance he gets. I could see how some could find it very offensive, but the way Caesar plays it makes it sound almost endearing, although I can tell that he's not really joking. Caesar tries to give tributes their best chances to get sponsors, so he does his best in the interviews, trying to make us seem more appealing.

Torrac is confident in his answers, and exhibits an attitude that shows he is very sure of himself, but he does it in a way that doesn't make him come across as cocky. He's asked about his family back home, and he dodges the question, making me wonder if I'm not the only one with a questionable past.

I can barely eat dinner because of how nervous I am, and I can tell that James is too as he picks at his food.

"So, you really think I did okay?" James asks, shoving his peas to the side of his plate with his spoon.

Mags nods as Finnick exclaims, "Of course!" and Brant says, in his practical way, "Yes, you played the role perfectly."

"Sucked up to 'em real nice too," Jon says critically, but we've gotten used to Jon's insults by now. I can tell that he actually thinks we did decently.

The general consensus is that we've sufficiently won over the audience as much as we possibly can, and I should be relieved when Vim says that he's gotten multiple sponsors, but I can't relax at all. When I excuse myself to get some sleep, I can't fall asleep. I know I need sleep, and I know it's even more important considering tomorrow is going to be insane, but I just can't do it. So, for the second night, I slide out of bed, wrap a blanket around myself, and penguin waddle up to the roof again.

I sit on the edge like I did the other night, and wonder how many tributes have tried to jump off of this same edge. I just gaze out across the city, trying to ignore my thoughts, and almost hope Vinia shows up. I just want someone else to be here with me, to distract me from what's coming. My wish is granted when I hear the door open behind me. It's Finnick.

"Hey, what are you doing up here?" he asks. "You should get some sleep."

"I can't," I say as he sits down next to me. "My brain hates me."

Finnick chuckles. "I get that. One hundred percent."

I smile, but am still too nervous to feel any real emotion. We sit in silence for a while, and then I whisper, "I'm just so scared."

Finnick hesitates, and then says softly, "I am too." Not great to hear that coming from the guy who has actually been through the Games.

"I'm scared for you guys, yeah. The Games are terrifying, there's no sugarcoating it. You know that, anyway. But what was worse than the Games was living with myself afterwards." As Finnick starts to open up, I recall watching him pace in the gardens in the Victor's Village. "My life was better, sure. But the part I hated was waking up every day, hating myself for what I did." Finally, he looks at me, eyes wet. "Addie, I killed so many people... I'm scared that James will end up like me. If he survives." He snorts and returns to staring out at some point in the distance.

I had never thought about what life would be like for someone after the Games, only what it must have been like in the actual arena. I'd wondered why Finnick seemed to have several personalities, and now I realize that this is what the Games did to him. He won them at such a young age, I doubt that he could relate to anyone actually his age. He must have been so lonely, dealing with the trauma and guilt on his own for the past three years. I wrap my arm around him and lean against him, trying to show my understanding.