Mafia Made Love (BWWM) (18+)

MML: Chapter XXXVIII

Kensington's POV
I feel so drained and I've felt this way for a very long time now. I don't feel like myself. You could argue that I didn't have much of a personality but I was always strong and now I'm not. He broke me. Nothing brings me joy anymore, not even my son.

It almost feels wrong to say this but sometimes I look at my child and I despise him. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be stuck here. I wouldn't be tied to his father...Teddy.

My first love and also my downfall. I've watched him spiral out of control and there's nothing I could do. He's no longer the devoted husband he portrayed himself to be when Aemilio was first born and when we got married. Now he's a vicious monster that thinks I'm a punching bag.

But am I really surprised?

The head mafioso. Teddy the gangster- my big bad gangster.

He never tried to hide who he was so who is really to blame here? Him? Max? Me? Hannah?

I've cursed her out so many times because if she just listened to me...if we just took the long way home how different would our lives be? Would I be laying in a pool of my blood with my child crying over me? I may still be in the same old boring pattern but I would be alive. I always knew she'd be my demise but I never knew it would be like this. It hurts so much. Physically and mentally.

Maybe this has nothing to do with Hannah. Maybe if I made sure Teddy was okay more often, maybe if I put my foot down and insisted he took his medication it wouldn't be here. So many ifs and buts, so many excuses that no longer fucking matter.

I think it hurt me more when I put a bullet through Teddy's head than when I put one through my own. Yes, I understand he became abusive but that's only because of Max's betrayal. They were brothers despite hav not having any actual relations. They grew up together, they fought together, they survived together and now look. We're all dead.

It's kind of funny, we all abandoned Hannah and left her to rot and here we are: Hannah's final revenge. If you asked me a few months ago if I regretted how things ended up going down between the two of us I would have said yes but I've come to terms with my feelings and I know who I am as a person so go on ask me now because I don't regret a single fucking thing.

I guess we weren't as close as we thought we were. There was a time when we were inseparable but things change and the world keeps on spinning. We're such small blemishes on this earth and it shows. We're dead now and what happened? The world didn't stop, despite us going out with a literal bang I believe we still went out with a whimper. How pathetic.

All of that constant working and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. I can't say that I completely regret it though because with my money and Teddy's, Aemilio will become the heir to millions when he turns 21. My final gift to him- I wish I could have given him something more meaningful, I wish I didn't have to leave him but there was no other way. My only regret is that Aemilio had to watch us die, not just Teddy and me but his godfather too.

I don't even care that I never reconciled with my dad. Fuck him. I hope he suffers when he finds out I'm dead, I hope the new family he chose over me provides him comfort when they're incinerating my body. Even in my dying moments I'm still bitter. I can only think of two occasions of when I got to experience some form of true happiness. The first is when Hannah and I were in school together right up until we met Teddy and Max. The second was those three years we spent in Italy. I had the perfect family and the deepest love for my husband and son. I know Hannah was in prison during that time because we let her be the scapegoat but if I had the chance to live those years all over again I'd send her back to prison each and every time.

Existence is so fucking futile and I hate everything but what I hate the most is what I became and now it's too late for me to do anything about it. I only hope that Aemilio finds a love that he will always cherish. I hope it will be the complete opposite to what I had with Teddy. Our love was toxic and I don't want that for our son.

I'm so cold.

It hurts but after working non-stop I can finally rest in peace...

A/N
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A couple more chapters to go guys x

I know this was short but as I'm wrapping things up I feel like there's no need for such long chapters.

As I said a few chapters ago I'm thinking of doing a spin off for MML. I'll drop the options on the final chapter x