"I'm not sick, I can feed myself!" I
almost shouted in a playful manner. Jameel successfully prepared the noodles and he is hell bent on feeding me but I'm not trying to be a prude or anything, considering the fact that he's my husband and this is all too soon to digest.
I mean, before marriage there was no sign of him being gentle and almost romantic? I don't know. In fact, he had said that I will be making a mistake by saying yes to this marriage but seeing him smiling graciously and looking cute says otherwise.
It terrifies me, honestly.
"Please, don't be a bore. At least I want to act like a decent husband," he whines. He is behaving like a little child which is a very hard sight for me to take in. He is so cute.
I can remember vividly the promise I had made before the marriage, that I would never find him attractive. That was all a lie. I can proudly say that, he's a very handsome man. He's too good looking and Masha Allah. One interesting thing about all these things is that he's my husband and I can ogle and check him out whenever I want.
Will this last forever? Do you think he'll like you and find you attractive just like you do for him?
My subconscious mocks me. I can't help but feel that she's right. Although I find him really handsome but does he think the same about me? I mean do I look beautiful to him?
"What's wrong?" Jameel dropped the fork and stare at me. Worry written all over his features. Do I even have the nerve to ask him about my thoughts?
"Nothing," I answered instead. I'll just make a fool out of myself anyways. How do I even go about it? 'uhm so Jameel do you find me attractive' Ya salaam that's awful.
"No tell me, I know there's something bothering you." He pressed. I thought I could put on a facade? Or maybe I could just ask him indirectly....
"well, it's about beautiful girls... " I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. This thing is getting more and more awkward for me. How do I ask him if he finds me attractive???
"Beautiful girls? What's wrong with beautiful girls ... " His eyebrows are knitted in confusion. I don't blame him because I'm not making any sense.
"Well you have seen beautiful girls before?" I blurted, okay I'm never going to put myself in this situation again.
"Ree, I know there are alot of pretty girls but I don't look at them. I mean what for?" he shrugged nonchalantly. I was relieved of the fact that he isn't that type of a man that ogles at any girl on sight but does that mean even me ? That too his wife ? I could remember when he told me at my house that it's only me he looks at on the face. Then, it meant nothing to me but now I don't know why I feel like a lift has been lifted off my shoulders and somewhat proud too by his confession.
"And now that you are married?" I pried on. I really wanted to know what he thinks of me. Honestly I don't know where all these thoughts are coming from.
"Ree, I don't look at girls during my bachelor life and now you expect me to start doing that when I'm married?" he questioned unbelievably, oh God! That wasn't what I meant. He doesn't get itttttt.
"No! I mean, I won't like it. I was just thinking of how I look. I mean do I always look good or am I that bad at appearance?" I rushed them out, with so much difficulty of course. I couldn't help but feel self conscious as Jameel started staring at me from my head to my toe. He's checking me out? What if he says that I look bad?
"what I meant was that, there's this friend of mine that always say I look bad and I'm not p-retty so I thought of asking you if it's true?" I back tracked, I don't want him to know that I'm asking him directly. I had to come up with a lie.
"That person must have been telling the truth I guess," he laughed and left the living room without sparing me a second glance.
How could I be so stupid? Naive even?
He literally just mentioned that I'm not pretty and I won't ever be attracted to him. What was I thinking even? All Jameel ever did was to hurt me again and again. But only this time he didn't know I was pissed at what he said.
I never cared about my appearance and most importantly what others think of me. I don't understand where this sudden urge of wanting to look good for Jameel came from. I should not change myself for anybody, I should be me.
That's what is right.
I wanted to go watch the show since 9:00pm is approaching real fast but I don't know what Jameel would say. I don't know if I need his permission to go to my in laws....
Looks like I'm clueless in everything I do.
"Er, I want to go to Ma's place." I stated, I didn't feel like holding any grudge against him. He looks taken aback, maybe surprised that I'm getting along with my mother in law.
"Why?" He questioned just as he dropped the magazine he was going through. Sometimes I feel like Jameel is my father and not my husband.
"Because she's my mother in law?" it came out more like a question. does he have a problem with me going there?
"like I don't know? It's late at night. If there's anything to talk about can't it wait till tomorrow?" Okay he is beginning to act like a control freak. This is his mother I'm talking about and I don't see a reason why I shouldn't visit her by this time which is not so late.
"It's not late at night! Besides I have nothing to do here and I'll completely get bored because our TV havent been fixed yet and I need to watch a show." I said in earnest, it wasn't my fault that our TV is not back yet. Ma had mentioned that it'd be ready in two weeks.
"So you mean I'm the boring one here that don't watch TV? I'm completely wasting my time by reading a magazine is it?" Jameel spit. It took every fibre in my soul to control my anger before lashing out at him because he's now my husband.
"Look here Jameel, if you want to watch TV too you can follow me to Ma's place, we literally live in the same house! I don't want to start any argument or fight with you." I left the room and straight out of the door banging it close in anger.
How could someone be so intolerable? We were having a good time by him playfully joking of feeding me noodles and now he's claiming to have rights over where to go. I'm not a child for crying out loud. Do I look like someone who is irresponsible?
I decided not to ruin my night any further by walking around Ma's varenda to cool my temper. I knocked on the door and Ma appeared in her night gown. I haven't even taken my bath to find a nice night gown to where.
"Next time you should come in and not knock." she ordered with a smile spread across her face. I returned the gesture before entering in. The show had already started and I blame Jameel for delaying me.
Talking of Jameel, he waltz into the living room and shut the door with a bang which jerked his mother up. "What was that?" she asked, a hand placed over her heart in fear.
The son shrugged and plop down on the sofa beside me. "I'm here to watch TV." his mother nodded cluelessly.
I felt like I was floating on cloud nine. What the Jahanamma? Why can't I understand Jameel for goodness sake. He was pissed when I left our place and now he's sitting so close to me.
In a way I find his company comforting. But this could be an act. He's just trying to keep our problems to ourselves since his mother is here with us. I'm thankful he did because I wouldn't like it if she gets a whiff that we had a fight when in fact all we do is fight. Not like she doesn't know we fight always but still.
The rest of the show was awfully fun. That was the most nervous I have been in my life. I couldn't concentrate with Jameel inches before me. What surprises me the most was that he wasn't affected at all by this, he's so calm and guarded like he isn't tryna invade my personal space.
Next thing I knew, my eyes were getting Hazy and sleep got the better of me. I succumb into it by resting my head on a soft pillow? I don't know.
After some time I felt like I have been lifted up by a trailer, I Think. But, how can a trailer be so soft just like the pillow?
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AREEZAH✔️
Romance"I told you, you would regret saying this didn't I?" he whispered, so close to me. He was right. I'm regretting every word I had said that night. "You made a promise, and now you've broken it." he added. "Even you Jameel, where is the revenge you...
