AREEZAH✔️

° Pain °

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I can even feel the pain all over my body. My pillow was long soaked, the bed feeling uncomfortable. The whole house was feeling uneasy.

It was very hard to take all these in, I didn't even know what I was crying for. Is it the fact that I was going to marry someone who has promised to ruin my life? Or the fact that my life has been full of lies right from the beginning.

Maybe this was Jameel's plan all along. I wish I'd never met him. Marriage isn't a child's play, it's an agreement to live between two people, they have responsibilities towards each other, they need to walk on the right part as Allah has ordained.

One thing I've hated my whole life was telling lies. But it feels like my whole life is a lie. Why? My dad should have told me this. I'd be able to manage on my own but finding out in a different circumstance is killing me. Who is my mum and where is she?

Clearly I wasn't going back to Hajiya Fatima to ask her of my mum, she has already stated that she doesn't care.

Everything was just ruined.

There goes the wedding I was suppose to go to. My mental state at the moment was zero, if I should leave my house right now then there is a possibility that I might never come back. I needed to do this for my siblings.

Aminah needs to live life, she needs to achieve something great for herself. I can't jeopardize it by a single decision of mine. Imaan needs to make use of her intelligence, she has the zeal to study. Ikhsaan needed to be a soldier, it has been his dream from the first time he took his first step.

Why wouldn't I do this for them?

By accepting this deal I'll get married to Jameel. The loan will be granted and after the wedding she doesn't need to pay back, my siblings will still live and enjoy the goodies of life. I wouldn't let the wrong decisions of Hajiya fatima affect other people.

I was on my prayer mat when Aminah came into the room. She was beaming, grinning ear to ear.

"This is the best shoot I've had so far Ya Aree, I mean the pictures were smoking hot!" she said excitedly, showing me her phone. I folded the prayer mat and kept it in the drawer before collecting the phone and checking the pictures.

Aminah was looking gorgeous. Modelling sure suits her, with her tall figure, and a fair skin with the curves.

"You do. I'm proud of you." I said. She sensed the sadness in my voice and frowned.

"What happen?" she asked concerned laid in her voice.

"nothing." I replied monotonously. Im not going to let her know about it. She would be heart broken too and I wouldn't want her to have a fight with her mum. Hajiya Fatima was still her mother and I don't want to break the relationship they have. Although, she isn't the best person to me, I still wish good for her and her children.

"I know it's about the wedding. I can talk to mum for you, I'll make her understand that this is not what you want." she said. I wish things were different, I wish your mother wasnt this way. I shook my head at her.

"It's okay, I've agreed to the marriage already. " I tell her. She looked relieved and smiled a bit.

"You and Ya Jameel are the perfect couple. Everything will work out just fine because I know he'll treat you good, he's a nice guy y'know?"

Aminah does not understand that Jameel has got nothing but hatred towards me. He's so arrogant and rude,  I don't like such people.

Despite all this, I've made up my mind to try to tolerate whatever attitude he'd give me. I'll try my best and fulfill my duty as a wife.

"Okay." was all I have got to say, Aminah won't even believe me if I had told her that Jameel was not a nice guy to me.

She left my room afterwards and I got ready to go to the market. I need to buy gifts for the twins, I couldn't even go to the wedding Nikkah. I'm not sure if I'd chicken out at the last moment but I'll get the gift at least, if I decide to go then I'll give them. I don't know what to buy for them but I hope whatever it was, they were going to like it.

The next morning my head was throbbing real bad. I'd have discarded the idea of going to the dinner party not until Aminah gave me a prep talk. I was dressed in an evening gown without bordering about makeup, didn't care if I looked different.

I took the invitation card along with me so that it could lead me to the event center. Sadly, I lost my way and I arrived there late. The party was already being rounded up as the brides and grooms were cutting the cake.

The brides friends were asked to dance and I could sight Hannan and Christy. Christy was still peachy from what I can see while Hannan just kept a neutral face. I didn't make my presence known, to avoid dancing which I was very bad at.

The weather wasn't in our favour and suddenly rain poured heavily on the ground. Every where was scattered, beings running helter shelter looking for a place to hide.

I ran over to my friends place. They all stood froze looking at me. I didn't even know how to begin everything.

"You shouldn't have bothered coming here," Iklimah muttered in a strange expression. Hannan was avoiding my eyes and Christy just kept starting at me.

"What do you mean,  it's not like that." I defend.

Ilkimah scoffed. "Then what is it? You're coming to a friends wedding on the last day of the event?"

"What could be the major excuse you'll come up with now, speak up." Iklimah added. They were angry at me.

"Why would she be at fault? She's a darling isn't she? She's the best." Christy said sarcastically. My heart was just sinking as their words kept whipping me.

"Christy I don't understand you," I said quietly.

"Oh now it's me you don't understand? Did you ask your friends if they were able to understand me or not? Since you joined us my friends aren't able to give me the attention like it was before. I even broke up with my boyfriend and  none of them could share my pain all because of you! You're the oh so beautiful and silent girl who everyone loves right. Fudge, I'm outta here." And then she left in rage slamming the door of her car as she furiously drove away.

Now I realise it was better to be a loner.

"Now you're happy right? You've finally separated us." the twins zoomed past me in their flowing gown and went to their respective cars.

I was left With Hannan.

"I was avoiding you because I was ashamed. Our parents has forced you to marry my brother but seeing all of this now is sickening. I don't even know whether I should get angry at you," Hannan left after saying her heart out.

The rain kept pouring heavily, my tears were mixed with it and only I could differentiate them from each other. My tears were hot trails while the rain was cold.

I just wanted the rain to sweep me over. I just wanted it to carry me along. I can't go back to my house because I feel suffocated there, I can't run to who I call friends because all of them couldnt understand me. All relationships should be based on trust and understanding and I couldn't even gain one.

They didn't even allow me to explain myself.

Things kept on running on my mind and I thought maybe in the next moment I'll go insane. A pain surge through when I realised that I could have convinced them to listen to me, why wasn't I able to stand up for myself this time around?

I was defeated.

I fell down in a limp and shouted. Venting out my frustration on the streets. I didn't care if someone was nearby, I just shouted blaming myself for everything.

I could shout no more as my voice became week and I cried even more. The next thing I knew was my eyes adjusting to darkness.

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