Deceit

20 - Hopeless

Harlem:

After my fight with Yamaris, I rode around the city to calm down. Yamaris blew my phone up left and right along with one text from Bunny. I wasn't in the mood to talk to either of them or anybody else for that matter. I just wanted to mellow out and process the day on my own before I did anything worse.

I'd sworn to God that I wouldn't be violent anymore. Plus, I'd never hurt a woman before. Well, maybe emotionally. I longed to become someone that didn't need to put fear into people and was getting there little by little. I let my anger get the best of me and would have to face that.

I found a park to sit and smoke cigarette after cigarette as the breeze whipped around me. None of the nicotine calmed me down. The reality of what happened set in and I realized that I went a bit overboard. So, after a few hours of solace, I responded to Yamaris' texts and agreed to meet the following day.

Her driveway was empty as I pulled into it. The car was gone along with all of the broken glass. Anxiety built up with each step I took towards the porch, and I debated whether or not I should leave. What could either of us really say to make the situation better?

Yamaris was waiting for my arrival and even opened the front door as I stepped onto the porch. I walked inside and was met with a citrus aroma. She didn't even look me in the eye as she sat on the living room couch with her knees to her chest. I took the seat across from her, staring at the wall until she began to speak.

"I guess I'll go first." Yamaris took a deep breath and cleared her throat before continuing. "First, I forgive you for hurting me but I won't forget. Ever. Second, I want to correct some of the shit you said to me because it wasn't fair. The few times we were unprotected were my first since college and you know I was drunk when that happened to me. I don't owe you an explanation but I only slept with you when you were on vacation. Last but not least, I earned everything I have, too. Whether from sugaring or working in that stuffy ass office, I put in the work."

This was the one thing that irked me about females. Instead of having a straight-forward conversation, they gave all of their grievances at once. I could only focus on one thing at a time when it came to arguments.

"Look, I'm sorry for yesterday. You didn't deserve that. My intention wasn't to hurt you and I overreacted. I just can't wrap my head around why somebody like you-who came from money-would turn to this shit. I mean you're smart. You have a degree and shit. Being a trick ain't for you."

"Having a fake relationship with a rich man and receiving gifts is not tricking, Harlem. Being a sugar baby is a full-time job and I always treated it like one until I didn't want to be one anymore... When I met you. You aren't even my man and you're trying to make me feel guilty."

"You should feel guilty but not because of me. You chose to do that shit and didn't think of the consequences."

Yamaris was now standing and in my face. Her green eyes filled with electricity as the morning light hit them. I must admit, it was kind of cute to watch her and reminded me of the first night we were together. "I never wanted you or anybody else to find out for that matter. I did what I had to do to get ahead."