Deceit

10 - Unwanted

Yamaris:

I sat cross-legged on the gray sofa in my living room with my books and notes spread all around me. The guys decided to play ball at a park not too far from my house, leaving Biyanca and myself alone. She was sitting in one of the chairs opposite to me and snapping some photos for Instagram while maintaining casual conversation. It was a relief to get a small break between chapters and she hadn't brought up her prying attitude from the night before either.

"Hey, Yamaris," she broke the silence and place her phone beside her. "Can I trust you?"

I looked up from my book and noted the nervous expression on her face. We weren't exactly good friends but I was always willing to lend my ear. "Sure thing, mama. What's up?"

She sighed and looked down at her fingers fidgeting in her lap before beginning. "Well, you know how I'm pregnant and all and how I really don't want to move?"

I nodded my head and closed the book in my lap. Studying would have to wait. "Because your family's all in Seattle, right?"

"Well, that too. But to be honest, I really don't want this baby, Yamaris. My body looks and feels horrible and I just don't know if I'm ready to be a mother." She burst into tears and placed her hands over her face. I instantly got up to console her.

"Listen to me, Biyanca, there's nothing wrong with feeling like this. Plenty of first time moms go through the same thing. Did you talk to Lo about this before? It's too late for the other options, Bee." While I had been excited about the prospect of a niece or nephew, Biyanca was suffering in silence. My mind quickly flashed to my own pregnancy that I terminated and I was happy I made that decision.

"I couldn't tell him that, Maris. When I took the test he was so happy and I was happy too. But then I gained weight, the sickness set in, and my body started to hurt. I'm almost five months in and I just don't know what to do."

"First, let me talk to Logan, okay? Then I want you to be honest with him about what's going on..You don't want to hurt yourself, do you?" She quickly shook her head no and wiped the tears from her reddened face.

"No, I would never.. I just don't want this right now." She pointed to her stomach and her eyes swelled up with tears once more. "I haven't even felt it move yet and it seems like another sign, you know?"

I didn't know because everyone was different. My baby never made it far enough for there to be movements and that honestly would've made it so much harder. "Don't read too much into that, Bee. Your main focus should be discussing this with Logan and then, a doctor, okay? My mom is a nurse, she can prescribe you some antidepressants to help."

"I don't want her to think I'm crazy!"

"My mother would never think that way about you. I just don't want this to go on any longer and for you to feel worse. I'm getting that prescription for you and when the guys come home, we're talking to Logan together."

Biyanca nodded her head and rose out of the chair. "I'm just going to lay down until he gets here. Thank you for listening." With that, she made her way upstairs and closed the door to her room behind her.