𝙏𝙀𝙈𝙋𝙏𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉 • 𝙇𝙍𝙃

37. fuck off, i just got married

FUCK OFF, I JUST GOT MARRIED

emma,

371 days and i still love you just as much as i did last october.

i never thought i would see the day where i couldn't tell you i loved you to your face, but rather on a pathetic piece of paper.

i feel lost without you. hopeless, even.

i barely made it through one damn year without you, how am i supposed to get through the rest of my miserable life?

i truly don't see myself being happy again if you aren't here with me. death almost sounds better than spending the rest of my days without you.

i still can't sleep on your side of the bed.

just know that everything you left behind will always be right here waiting for you if you ever come back.

including me.

petunia seems just as sad as me, i know she's wondering where you are. i know she's just a puppy, but she needs her mom.

i can't believe this is it for us. i still cry myself to sleep sometimes, i hope you don't think that's pathetic, but even if you did, it's not like you'd be here to tell me that.

i was awful to you, and i am so ashamed of the way i ended things.

i hope you move on and find someone who can give you everything i couldn't.

but me? i'm not going to move on. you are the girl no man could ever get over. i couldn't stop loving you if i tried.

maybe one day i will meet someone new, and it terrifies me. what if i meet someone new but still fall asleep to the thought of you?

i try not to think about the future, knowing i'll have to face it without you kills me every time.

sometimes i have hope that i will see you again, because i don't know what the future holds.

maybe in five years our paths will cross again. i will tell you how desperately in love with you i was (but let's be honest, i probably still will be) and we can laugh and start over and i'll fall in love with you all over again.

i don't know where the next few years of my life will take me, but i pray to god it's somewhere beside you with a beautiful view.

but until that time comes, i hope you know that you deserve it all. the best, the most honest, the most beautiful and purest love in the world. not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. you deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. you deserve it all, you know. the whole world. and you should never forget that.

i am just so sorry i couldn't be the one to give you that.

love, lu

p.s. i'm sorry i left, i know it probably hurt you to wake up and see i wasn't there. but just know it would have hurt me twice as bad to see you marry him, especially when the only ring i have ever wanted to see on your finger was mine.