This is War [ONC 2021] // Honourable Mention

Chapter Twenty-Two - Kurt

"How does it feel to be home?" Marie asked as she and Kurt walked through the village square together.

"Quiet. It's nice to be able to sleep a full night without being woken to the sound of gunfire or mortar shells. That, and I missed Mother's cooking, rations aren't the same."

"Johannes said the same thing." Marie paused. "He seems different, older and I know he is, but he just feels older than eighteen."

"I think we all feel that way."

Although Kurt had originally planned on spending his four days leave with his family, when Marie had asked him to accompany her on a walk he felt like he couldn't say no. Johannes had gone to see some of his friends from school whose parents refused to let them sign up and Marie had wanted to see him. They had left his farmhouse early that morning and walked through the surrounding country before reaching the village square.

Kurt had enjoyed his few days home but could hardly believe he was due to return to the front the next day. He preferred waking to the sound of birds rather than to the sound of gunfire, to breathe in clean, country air rather than smoke the stench of death and decay that lingered throughout the trench. Given half the opportunity, he would stay in the farmhouse and never return to the front lines, but that would never be an option.

Instead, he knew he had to make the best of being back home because he didn't know when, and if, he would get that chance again. He had spent the previous days playing with Hans on the farm, accompanying his mother to the village and working with his father out on the fields. For the first time in months, he felt safe. He didn't have to worry about keeping his head ducked so he didn't get shot or worry that his meal might be his last. Kurt felt free.

"I can't believe you go back tomorrow, it feels as though you only just got here." Marie sighed

"If I could, I would stay right here. With you, with my family. If I had a choice, I would never go back to the trench."

"Perhaps the war will be over soon, then you can come home for good."

Kurt smiled. "I hope so."

He knew that was unlikely. The war had gone on too long and it showed no sign of letting up any time soon. They were stuck with the British in a stalemate, unable to move anywhere without them coming back twice as hard. Kurt wanted the war to be over, he prayed for it to end every single day, but nothing changed. Part of him wanted that injury that would get him sent home. Not serious enough to kill him, but serious enough for him to never have to go back.

When he returned home, his father had commented on how different he seemed from the boy who left. Not just physically, with the lines on his face and the sadness in his eyes, but in the way he behaved, in the way he spoke. Kurt jumped when someone banged a door, his reflexes would kick in when someone crept up behind him, even if it had been in jest. He had a fear of his own shadow.

Kurt walked Marie back to her house, passing Johannes who raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He had never said anything about the idea of him and Marie and for that, Kurt was grateful, especially as he had made a promise to look out for him. When Kurt returned him, supper was on the table and Hans had already managed to eat some of it, although he hadn't been all that subtle. This would be his last family supper for months, perhaps for good, and he intended to savour every last minute of it.

Throughout supper, Hans talked about what he had been up to that day, what they had learnt in school and how he had exchanged more than a few words to the girl he liked.

"When do I get to meet her, then?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You can't meet her."

"Why not?"

"You'll only make fun of me."

"Me? Make fun of you? Never! Can I at least know her name?"

"Helene. Her name's Helene."

"Well, I'm sure Helene is a very sweet girl, and I expect to meet her when I next take leave."

Kurt grabbed his glass and took a sip of milk, seeing the look his parents exchanged just across the table from him. He knew what they were thinking, most likely the same thing he was. No one knew just when he would get the chance to take leave again, none of them knew if this would be the last time they were to see one another. War could be a cruel mistress and one that could be unpredictable.

He might never get to meet Helene or get to his younger brother happy with the woman he loved, he might never get to marry Marie or have children of his own. So many things could be taken away from him because of a war he hadn't started, a war everyone said would be over already. His future had been ruined by politicians and men who sit behind their comfy desks in their big offices and lose nothing whilst all around them, men as young as sixteen are getting shot on a battlefield.

That night, Kurt lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling, unable to sleep because he knew he would be back in the trenches the next day and the peace he felt would be broken. At the back of his mind, he thought about climbing out of his window in the middle of the night, disappearing to the woods and never coming out. Kurt knew he couldn't do that. It would bring shame to his family, people would call him a coward.

Instead, he would have to accept his fate and hope, pray that he would get that wound to send him home permanently. He wasn't cut out for war.

~~~

First Published - February 26th, 2021