Some Things Never Change

Too much

He had been driving for hours, by now. He didn't know what time it was or where he was. He just kept driving. Driving away from all that had just happened.

He couldn't think straight. This was just way too much.

He knew leaving Stevie alone in this emotional state of mind was absolutely egoistic and careless of him but facing her now, comforting her, even though he was feeling completely caught off-guard wasn't an option, right now.

Part of him was still believing she did know about it. But would she really have done that to him? They had been back together for almost one and a half year, by now. Why waiting for so long? And why telling now, if she had wanted this to be a secret?

The other part of him knew that she herself had had no clue whatsoever. The way she had reacted to his story.. No, she couldn't have known! That was impossible! She wouldn't have done that to him! She loved him. He knew she did.

Sara could be his daughter.. The thought of it itself made his stomach turning over.

He loved that girl, he truly did. But knowing that he could be her real birth parent was too much for him to handle. It was true, he had wished once or twice that it would actually be that way but wishing and being were two very different animals. Also, he felt cheated. He felt cheated of all those years he had missed with Sara. How could they ever get to know each other the way a father and his daughter should do?

Then, there was also the fact that he had said goodbye to ever having kids when he and Stevie had come back together. It hadn't been a sacrifice. He loved Stevie and he wanted her. But she had been right back then. He had always wanted to have children, to have a family on his own.. Now, all those family-thoughts were back in his head and it was driving him insane!

How would Sara react to this? Would she accept him as a father? And what if he wasn't her father and it was somebody else? Some other guy Stevie had fucked and forgotten about, as well? What if that guy came back into their lives and would want to build up a relationship with Sara? What would that mean to them? What would that mean to Stevie and him?

His head was exploding and he knew driving around like that was reckless.

He bent right and stopped his car. It was already dark outside. He breathed heavily and leaned back into his seat. What should he do now?!

It was in the middle of the night and Lindsey had been gone for hours. She hadn't stopped crying since the very minute he had left and driven away. Would he leave her? She knew she wouldn't make it, if he did. Their last breakup had already destroyed her.

She had sat down in the living-room, waiting for him to come home but he didn't. Hour after hour flew by and there was no call.

He needed time, she knew that. But him being here with her would make it so much easier. They needed to talk, she needed to know that he was okay.

She was as irritated and frightened as he was and his story had totally confused her, rather shocked her. If it was true, and the probability was pretty high, this would make them a real family. She had always wanted that. She had always wanted to be the one to give him children but this was not how she had wished this to happen.

All those years he had missed... He had to be devastated!

She wished she could call him, find him, take him into her arms and hold on to him forever but she had no idea where he had gone and when he would come back or if he ever came back at all...

The other thing that really concerned her was how they were going to tell Sara about that. Would she even understand or believe this story? Would she freak out? Stevie certainly would in her position!

She lay on the couch and didn't know when but eventually cried herself to sleep.