Some Things Never Change

Moving on

It was 7:50 pm when Lindsey stood in front of Kristen's apartment and rang the bell. He waited for three minutes and rang again. A window opened up and he heard her calling to him:

“Get in! It's open. I'm changing, I'll be there in a minute!”

He nodded and walked in. He had never been at Kristen's place before. It looked so different than Stevie's home. There were no shawls, no crystals, no moons, no candles, no magic – instead it was clean and modern, the whole furniture was white.

He felt slightly uncomfortable standing in her hallway. He wanted to go.

Suddenly she appeared, walking down the stairs.

“What do you think?”, she asked laughingly and twirled around in a black chiffon dress, her blonde hair blowing by her movement.

“What the fuck?!”, he screamed all of a sudden. His voice sounded angrily.

“Did you do that on purpose?! Dressing up like her?! Isn't it enough that you know how much she hurt me?! Do you really need to remind me of her again?!”

“Lindsey... I..”, she stuttered. Her face had dropped. She was scared of him.

“Fuck!”, he shouted and his fist crashed against the door.

“I'm sorry, Lindsey. I'm sorry... This wasn't my intention, at all. I get changed. I … just change, okay?”, she was frightened by his emotional outburst. She had never seen him like that before.

Quickly, she ran up the stairs and changed her outfit.

He sat down on a chair. He hadn't want that. He hadn't want to frighten her. Kristen had been the only person who had wanted to be around him in weeks.

She came back downstairs, wearing a pair of jeans and a white blues.

“Better?”, she asked and patted carefully his shoulder.

He looked up to her, tears forming in his eyes.

“I'm sorry, Kit. I'm sorry. I didn't... It's just..”

“I understand. It's okay. Let's go.”, she said softly, took him by his hand and they went outside to his car.

They spent the evening at a pretty restaurant. The food was good, even though Lindsey couldn't eat a lot. He just wanted to get drunk. It felt so wrong. Being here with Kristen felt so wrong. But drowning his pain in alcohol was no option! It wouldn't make him feel any better, he knew by experience!

Every few minutes he looked at the clock. He hoped they wouldn't stay much longer.

Kristen saw it and placed her hand on his watch.

“It's okay, Lindsey. You don't need to feel bad for being here with me. She left you.”

“I know... Doesn't make any difference, though.”, he mumbled.

She smiled sadly at him. She wanted him to forget her, wanted him to be happy again. She saw the man beyond all this pain. She saw it in his eyes, there was so much more than disappointment and heartache. There was so much love he had to give.

“Come on, let's go!, she said and got up.

“Where?!”

“Just follow me!”, she said and went outside of the restaurant.

Outside, she took his hand and they ran down the dark streets. People were staring at them. Kristen was so young, so full of energy, so lovely and he – he was an old man, grieving for another woman. They went to a club. It had been years since he had been to one. Colorful, flashing lights everywhere, loud music - way too loud - young people dancing and screaming in ecstasy, all sweaty and drunk.

He swallowed and followed her into the middle of the dancefloor. He knew she wanted to cheer him up but this was definitely the wrong way. Once again, he noticed how little Kristen knew about him. He tried to put a smile on. Oh, how he hated to dance – he had always been a bad dancer! Stevie knew... Stevie...

He tried to get rid off her name, shook his head and danced with Kristen. She put her hands around his neck and pulled her body closer to his. He could smell her perfume. She smelled so different.

She tried to look into his eyes but he looked away from her, trying so hard not to catch hers.

“I get us some drinks..”, he mumbled and disappeared in the crowd.

She sighed and let go of him.

Twenty minutes later he came back. He knew it wasn't okay to let her wait for so long. But she had wanted more. He had felt her approach. And he couldn't take it!

Kristen was still dancing when he found her. She seemed so happy, so relaxed, so young, so carefree. She was everything he was not!

He touched her shoulder and passed her a drink.

“I'm sorry. Lots of people at the bar..”, he mumbled apologetically.

She looked over to the bar, there were only five people standing, she nodded with an understanding smile, emptied the glass in one hit, took his hand and pulled him outside of the club.

Again, he followed her and they got into a cap.

“Where do we go?”, he asked.

“To my place!”

“But...”

“It's okay, Lindsey!”

They arrived at her apartment. She was a little bit tipsy but still so confident about herself as she opened the door and pulled him after her upstairs into her bedroom.

She pushed him down on her bed, switched on one small lamp and he watched her as she began to unbutton her blouse. Slowly, she let the fabric fall down her shoulders onto the ground.

She came closer, so close. She sat down on his lap, face to face, and folded her hands around his neck. He felt her warm breath on his skin. She was so near.

Carefully, she touched his lips with hers. She kissed him gently. He didn't respond. Her lips felt so different than hers.

“Touch me, Lindsey..”, she said softly while trying to place his hands on her waist. He obeyed.

He closed his eyes. If he just kept them shut, just not opened them up, he could pretend it was her, could pretend it was his Stephanie.

She kissed down his throat, pulled his T-shirt over his head.

“It's okay.. it's okay..”, she mumbled as she felt him tensing up by her touch.

Slowly, his arms stroked over her soft skin as she opened her bra and let it fall to the ground...