Some Things Never Change

Doubts

The next day came and they were back in the stadium.

Stevie was sitting in her dressing room, getting her hair and make-up done, the girls were talking but she couldn't hear them, she was in deep thoughts.

She had no idea what she was going to do. The last two days had been wonderful. Being with him had been wonderful. She didn't know what it was about him that made her feel so safe and so insecure at the same time. He had clearly changed – she had noticed that. But what was that all about?! Did he really want to be with her or was it just another on-the-road-fuck?!

And if he truly wanted to be with her, did she want to be with him? Was she ready to give in? Make herself so vulnerable? What if she fell in love with him again? What if he broke her heart once more? She simply couldn't deal with another break-up, another fucking heartache.

"Stevie, it's time!", Sharon said softly and patted Stevie's arm.

"Oh, sure.", she responded quickly, smiled and got up.

She didn't want anybody to find out but on the other hand she needed to talk to someone, needed to know what she should do..

He waited for her as she came out of the dressing room. He saw immediatley that something was wrong. I just wish I could take her doubts away, he thought to himself, and grabbed her hand. She looked up to him.

"Are you ready?", he asked and smiled at her.

She nodded and he kissed the palm of her hand – a ritual they had created a long time ago.

"Let's go!", she said and walked outside on stage with him.

---

The next few days, Lindsey couldn't spend any time alone with Stevie. Sara had come by to visit her mother and Stevie spent every single minute with her when she wasn't on stage. He knew he had to accept that and he did. She seemed to be so light-hearted, so happy when she was with her daughter and he couldn't help but wish he was Sara's father.

But he also knew, that if Stevie was without him for too long, she also got too much time to think about him, about them. And he feared she was going to let them down.

After another exhausting performance, Stevie cuddled up to Sara in bed. Her daughter was watching TV and Stevie joined her, grabbing into the popcorn box.

Sara lay an arm around her mother and was surprised when she held on to her tightly and buried her face in her hair.

"Are you okay, Mom?"

"Me? Yes.. sure."

"Sure? What is it?"

"Nothing, honey. I'm just tired. That's all.."

"Mom? You've been like that for days. What is wrong with you?"

"Sara, it's nothing, really. I'm just exhausted!"

"I know you far too well to believe you. Just please promise me something?"

Oh no, not another promise, Stevie thought.

"Tell me, if you need me, okay? Tell me, if you wanna talk about it!"

Stevie kissed her daughter on the cheek, "I promise, Sara. And now, let's watch some TV!"

---

It broke Stevie's heart to see Sara go again and she couldn't stop crying. It felt so good to have a familiar face around. Sara held her for a long time before she disappeared into the waiting car.

"Mom, it's okay, I'll be back soon. And I'll call you every single day! You won't even notice that I'm gone."

"I wish you could stay here with me..", Stevie cried into Sara's hair.

Sara knew there really was something wrong with her mother and it hurt her to see her in pain. But Stevie didn't open up to her, she wasn't ready yet and Sara knew pushing her was pointless. Stevie would her tell her when she was ready, so in the meantime, she couldn't do anything except being there and holding her.

"Mom, I love you but I have to go or I will miss my plane!"

Stevie gave her daughter one last kiss and let go of her.

---

They had a day off that night and Stevie sat alone in her hotel room. Alone again with her thoughts which she had been able to push away as long as Sara had been here. Now, they were all back exploding in her head. The last two days she had not even spoken with Lindsey about what had happened. She had made sure she was always surrounded by people, so they couldn't talk about anything except their work. She had seen how much it hurt him, how much he needed her but she simply needed some time to get her thoughts together.

She wasn't sure what had happened to her since those two nights she had spent with Lindsey. Before, she was such a confident, strong woman that felt sometimes alone but was fine with her life, now she was insecure, almost fragile, didn't know what to do, didn't know what she felt or what she wanted. It hurt to be back at this point – she had once promised herself she would never come back to feeling this way.

She got up and went out on the balcony. It was a beautiful night. No clouds covered the sky, so she could see all the stars sparkling bright like little diamonds. A crescent moon was up – it was the same moon that had watched over her the night she had given birth to Sara. Never would she forget that night! She had been in labor pains for over 12 hours and lain in a clinic, her mother holding her hand not leaving her side once, as Stevie had looked up through a little skylight. That moon had watched over her, trying to soothe her, giving her all the energy she had needed to push through the last hours of pain.

When Sara finally had made her way into the world, she had bought her a little crescent moon necklace and given her the second name Luna – Sara Luna Nicks. Since that very day, both of them wore the same necklace, they were sisters of the moon.

A soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Stevie knew that knocking far too well. She felt nervous as she made her way to the door but opened it up.

Lindsey stood in front of her, stretching his arm out for her to take.

"I have a little surprise for you, Stevie. Follow me!"