Different - Nate Jacobs

19. "We can go slow"

(TW: Drug abuse)

Mila's POV

After I got what I needed from Fez I already felt one hundred times better. "Didn't you say you were done with this stuff?", Fez asked as I was about to go.

"I know but sometimes it helps me. I can think clearer, my mood is higher and my ego is bigger. It's been like a year since I stopped but I need it", I mumbled fiddling with my hands. 

That's the thing with coke. It was a quick happy maker, it made me feel better within seconds even though the feeling only lasted for three hours maximum. My hands always got shaky from it and so did the rest of my body but that was just something I couldn't care about at this moment. 

After I made it out of Fez's house I felt the wind on my skin, the breeze felt so different when you were high, it felt better for some reason.

I started walking down the street without a single care in the world until a car pulled up next to me. Not any car but Nate Jacobs truck. 

I decided to play dumb and not to see him but it was impossible as he got out of it. "Mila, wait", he called. 

I rolled my eyes and stopped, my ego was so big at this point. "What do you want?", I snapped, wow Mila you need to chill. 

"We need to talk, I need to explain myself", Nate started. "For what? Explain how you fucking made out with Maddy? Explain why you catfished Jules and kissed her?", I yelled feeling my tears come back. 

"Yes, I know it sounds bad but I can explain. I love you so much, fuck I don't think I have ever felt this way for anyone", he said and walked up to me. "I don't want to pressure you into talking to me but we have to". 

"I know but I just can't right now", I mumbled. "Why not?", Nate asked placing his hands on my cheeks making me look at him. 

He stopped for a second and looked me deep in the eyes "Are you high?". "What? Wha- No", I said freeing my face out of his hands. 

"Yes you are, your pupils are big and your mouth sounds like the Sahara is in there", Nate argued. "So what Nate? So what if I'm fucking high?", I yelled knowing I couldn't deny it anymore. 

Before Nate and I broke up we talked about the drugs we took and about how I had a problem back in my old hometown.

It was normal there to do coke every weekend or do it before a test or before you started studying. For some reason, my friends could handle it well doing it all the time. 

For me it became my happiness source, my mother found out after our school got raided by the police since some students were annoyed by the others that got better grades with a little help. 

She put me into rehab for a couple of weeks since I wasn't really badly addicted and then send me here to Cassie's family.

"Fuck Mila. You were over this", he mumbled, "Where is the rest?". Nate's voice went from angry to concerned. 

"Why? You're not my boyfriend anymore", I argued feeling like everything started closing on me. This was also a side effect of the drug, pressure made you feel anxious within seconds. 

"I know but I care about you, I love you and I know that you love me. I know we can fix this but first, you need to give me the rest", he said in a low voice. 

That's when my anxiety started kicking in it could also be the rest of the drug leaving my body but I started crying.

I sank to my knees as he pulled me into his chest. "I hate you", I said sobbing. "I know". 

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes before I started calming down. "I kissed someone as well", I explained. "That's okay Baby. We both made mistakes but don't ever tell me who or I will kill him", Nate mumbled. 

"Can we get in your truck?", I asked feeling slightly uncomfortable on the street. Nate nodded as we walked to his truck and got in.

He started the engine and drove us to a more quiet spot. 

"Here", I said handing Nate the little container with the white Pulver. "Thanks, I will keep it safe okay?", he explained putting it in his pants. 

"Listen, I know I fucked up badly. First, let me explain it with Jules",

Nate started to explain that he had a video of Jules and his dad, which is weird enough on its own. He kept the video and still has it somewhere hidden. He said that Jules was able to ruin his entire family by it since his dad could go to prison for fucking a minor. 

He decided it was best if he catfished her into sending him nudes which made her commit in child pornography. Basically, Nate held it against her, and in return, she wasn't snitching on his dad and she actually told the police about the fake incident that happened well didn't happen to me at the carnival. She was our backup. 

"Okay uhm that's a good explanation but you could've just told me like that. You know I would never judge you or your family", I told him. 

"Now Maddy", Nate said and sighed. 

He started explaining how she went to his room and he let her in. She started talking about how they should start dating again and that it was just a regular thing really. The other times they have broken up she or him would do the same thing and eventually they would end up back together. 

He told me that she kissed him and that he actually kissed her back for which he apologized.

"I know that I messed up big time and that you can't forgive me like that but I hope you can eventually. I miss you, you're all I have", Nate said his voice breaking slightly.

"Nate I don't know what to say, obviously I still do love you but you just did these things I don't know how to trust you anymore", I explained. 

"I know", he mumbled. "I mean I need you as well but maybe we can go slow", I sighed hating seeing him this broken. 

His head shot up looking at me his eyes getting brighter. "We can do that, fuck we can go as slow as you want". 

"I love you Nate", I smiled placing a kiss on his cheek. 

"I love you too Mila".