Unnatural Instinct: Amazon

9.

I can't explain what I'm feeling right now. So many emotions and thoughts are rushing through me. Dread—I certainly feel that. Disbelief. Humiliation. Shame.

What I didn't expect to feel is great sympathy for the women back on Earth—the victims of male violence. In my mind I've always known how terrible it must be, but I have never truly felt it before. I have never truly understood it. Never before have I felt vulnerable like this. Helpless. And yet I know that all that I'm feeling now doesn't truly equal what they must experience.

To be confronted by a man like this. To be violated and abused. To have to face something as painful and terrifying as an erection. Something that can invade you and subdue you in agonising and horrendous ways. Like a tool. Like a weapon. Though I hate the situation I'm in, at least I don't have to deal with that. From what I can see, you have no intention of penetrating me with any hard or terrible objects.

Still—the shame, the humiliation! My belly squirms. My body goes hot.

You unbutton your pants. I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. Even as I tremble, I remind myself that it could be worse. It could be so much worse. It's the only thing I have to hold onto.

I can't deny that I haven't fantasised about something like this during the many lonely nights I've spent on this planet. But they're fantasies and this is reality—they're not the same thing. In my fantasies I ultimately have control. I can shape them as I see fit. Here—I am entirely at your mercy.

What if you hurt me?

Your pants drop to the floor. I stare as you stand naked before me, your legs outspread, your arms dangling by your sides, your chin lifted.

You have an extraordinary body—I cannot deny it. Strong, muscular and yet somehow feminine at the same time. Even with your broad shoulders, your breasts are perfectly sized and supple-looking, your nipples round and soft. Your hips are wide above your powerful thighs. Not only must you be considered a fearsome fighter amongst your people but a great bearer of offspring too.

Little wonder Shereen likes you so much.

But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want this. No matter how my body disagrees with me. I try so hard not to respond, but it's impossible. It's been years since I've been with a woman, and with you looking like this ...

Wanting me. Needing me.

In the end, despite my superior intelligence, despite my resistance, I'm at the mercy of my body.

I'm only a man, after all.

'Goddamn it,' I hiss under my breath as I feel my shaft engorge.

We both watch, you in your anticipation, me in my shame, as my penis lengthens and hardens and lifts like a construction crane until it stands firm and thick and ready. My balls are aching in the rapa so much that they feel like they're being strangled. It brings tears to my eyes.

And at that moment that's all I care about. I'm in so much pain that I don't care how it must look to you as I sit up and untie it, releasing my testicles from its crushing grip. I breathe in a sigh of relief, then look up at you.

'You're truly a beautiful man,' you say, your eyes glittering.

I cup my groin with my hands as I shake my head. 'I don't want this.'

'It looks like you do.'

'I can't help what my body does against my will.'

'Do you not like what you see?'

I drag my eyes up along your magnificent figure but don't answer. I don't need to answer. I wince as my balls give a hard throb. I feel a surge of heat travel up my shaft. I grab onto it as precum beads the tip.

I try to swallow but my throat is so dry that it makes me cough. 'If we must do it, I want-I want to be on top.'

You raise your eyebrows.

What am I thinking? I'm not really sure. If there is no way out of this ...

If I'm on top, maybe my situation won't seem so unbearable. A semblance of control, even if it is just an illusion, might make me feel a little less helpless. Less violated. I might even get out of this with some of my dignity intact. At least, I hope I will.

But that's only if you agree.

'I'll do whatever you want, as long as I'm on top. I don't ... I don't want to be raped.'

You turn your head with a wince, and I grow hopeful that you might actually agree. This might actually work. It's not the most ideal outcome but it's likely as close as I can get to it without begging.

And I'm not going to beg.

Amid the blankets, I wait. Outside, the camp has turned quiet, though I can still hear the occasional bout of laughter. A baby is crying. A wolf howls.

Finally you turn back to me. You stare at me for several moments before answering with a sharp nod. I try not to reveal the wave of relief I feel.

You drop to your knees into the blankets, and suddenly not only do I feel fearful but nervous. It's been a long time since I've been with a woman, and I've never been with a woman quite like you. I sudden surge of anxiety that I may not be able to perform floods my veins.

It's such weird thing to feel in this situation. It doesn't make sense. It's not appropriate. I'm all confused. I don't want this and yet I do. I shouldn't be worrying whether I can perform or not. I should be grateful that I can't! And yet, I'm not. What's wrong with me? Do I want this or don't I?

If I had a choice, I wouldn't. But if I must ... it wouldn't be such a bad thing.

It seems I have no need to be nervous. You're close enough that your warm thigh touches mine. Like a switch, it instantly tightens my erection until it throbs in the air. That bead of precum has now turned into a trickle, which run downs the bottom of my shaft, where it pools on my balls. It's so hot. It's so wet.

Just like you.

You touch me on my lower pelvis, right where my pubic hair should be. It's so electrifying your hand seems to burn against my skin. I wince as my cock gives another nasty throb. You're still staring at me with that frightening dark intensity, and for a moment I can't help but fear that you lied. That you'll simply do what you want to do.

But then you lower yourself onto your side beside me and roll onto your back. I look down at you in disbelief.

I can't believe this is about to happen.