Unnatural Instinct: Amazon

26.

I walk about the camp in a daze, so furious that I'm no help to anyone. The camp is chaotic and yet things are being done. Even during those few precious moments I spent with you, the camp is halfway pulled down. And it's because they're well-practised. I know just as well as they do that they've done this before. Many times. The place seems so ... empty.

The other men try to advise me of my tasks but their mouths move without sound. I'm numb. It all feels like a dream. I'm enraged. I'm nervous. I'm filled with despair.

I see you sometimes, marching over to assist with your sisters. I stare at the muscles in your back. Something stirs in the pit of my stomach at the sight of your pants shifting around your round arse as you move. I had that arse. I had that arse in my hands. Like I'll never have it again. The same with your breasts, your hips, your wonderful hands. Some time soon the light in your eyes is going to go out.

A sudden image of your dead body flashes before my eyes. It's so horrifying it rips the guts right out of me. It snaps me out of my despair.

Enough!

While everyone busies themselves, I flit around the camp, approaching the men as they work. I try to convince them that we must take a stand, that we need to support our women, no matter the danger. There are plenty of men and women too old to fight—they can take refuge with the children.

'We are strong,' I grab the shoulder of the blonde I offended early in my capture, when I still felt like a prisoner. 'We can fight!'

All he does is thrust away my hand with a sneer.

Again and again, I try without success. I look around the camp for Shereen but cannot find him. For several moments I stand in the middle of the rapidly disappearing camp, raking my hands through my hair in desperation. I could approach the elders. I could try and talk with you again. I try to catch your gaze as you assist your sisters but you're resolutely avoiding my eyes.

You look determined and focused, but beneath all that strength is a sadness you can't hide from me. I know you too well now. Like I've never known a woman before. Like I'll probably never know again.

It propels me back into action.

Suddenly, I realise what must be done. I slap a hand to my forehead in fury. How foolish I have been! I'm approaching the wrong people! Why am I only trying to convince those I know? What about the husbands and fathers? They're the ones who have the most to lose.

I hurry over to a man with a screaming infant strapped to his back. Not knowing his name, I take his arm. He spins around, eyes narrowed. Like so many men, he looks me up and down with a sneer, taking particular note of my pants and unshaven face.

'Go make yourself useful,' he snaps, wrenching his arm out of my grasp. The baby wails as he turns back to his task. I seize his arm again. Furious, he whips around again. The big muscles in his shoulders are all bunched tight. His big hands are fisted. But it's not out of rage—I can see the fear in his face. Not for himself—but for his family. I can read it all, as only a man can read another man.

'Make yourself useful. Don't be a coward,' I say.

His eyes widen. His nostrils flare. And I can't help but feel that he's moments away from punching me. I can't get over all the wasted potential. He's tall and broad and muscular and no doubt more than capable. On Earth he'd be a formidable man.

'That's right,' I continue, tightening my grip on his arm. 'You're just going to leave your wife to the enemy? You're just going to let her die? Why don't you be a man for once? Why don't you all be fucking men?!' I raise my voice as I turn to those watching. 'They need our help and all you do is run. Well, I'm not going to. I'm not going to let the woman I love die.'

I don't know if it's working, and I don't have time to find out. The blood is rushing in my ears and my body is breaking out into goose bumps as I hurry around the camp, trying my best to rouse the rest of them. I can't help but despair at the urgency as time ticks away.

Then I see a familiar figure stepping out from the trees.

'Shereen!' I call, racing over.

He looks at me with his eyebrows raised.

'Shereen.' I grab his wrist. 'You must help. We must do something.'

'Do what?'

'We need to help them. Your bolas, your weapons,' I correct myself at his confused look, 'how many have you made?'

'Dozens over the years.' He frowns, knowing what I'm getting at. 'They don't want them. I've tried this already. They won't use them.'

'I'm not talking about the women.' I grab his shoulder. Again, like the last man, I feel the muscle, the dormant strength. It's all so baffling and I can't help but think about Earth and all the opportunities we missed with our women throughout the millennia, all the brains and strength and skill just gone to waste. 'We need to help them, all the men, and you're the only one who can really make an impact.'

His eyes widen. Then he scoffs. 'You're crazy. We can't help them. We'll just get in the way.'

I grit my teeth against the urge to slap him. Instead, I dig my fingers into his shoulder until he winces and tries to pull away. I only grip harder. 'Just shut it! I've had enough of this shit. You are much more than this. Stop doubting yourself. You're a freakin' dynamo. You've got the brains, you've got the brawn, you've got the capability. For God's sakes, in my world ...'

His eyes narrow. 'In your world?'

'Never mind.' I release his shoulder and look over towards you. Shereen follows my gaze.

You have an axe braced across your muscular shoulders as you talk fast to your sisters. You seem so fierce, but again there's that sadness that's so unmissable, that vulnerability that strikes something deep inside me. Again, it rouses that primal urge to protect you. No matter your size and strength, you're still a woman. You're still my woman. Surely, despite the upside down world he lives in, Shereen must feel it too.

'Are you really going to let her just die?'

He doesn't look at me, his eyes pinned on you. As he stares, his mouth tightens. He stiffens within my grip. 'What must I do?'