~Jopper one shots~

Without You

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This One-Shot is from Joyce's perspective. It is the night of July 4th and a few different days/scenarios during that week. El lives with the Byers due to what happened to Hopper.

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I ran straight over to Will and gave him a hug knowing he was okay and safe gave me reassurance and helped me forget what just happened for a split second until my eyes met hers. She was looking for him. I broke down crying and at that she realised too. I let go of Will and ran straight over to her. I gave her a huge hug as she shook her head in denial and broke down in my arms. "i'm sorry el, i'm so sorry" She stayed quiet not knowing how to respond or act.

We eventually arrived back home early hours of the morning after check-ups with the doctors and talking to Doctor Owens about what would happen to her. I figured i would take her in because it's what Hop would want to happen. Jonathan and Will went to their rooms unsure of how to talk or act around me and El i could sense that. We sat in silence for a while until El broke the silence and said "did he do it to save us?" I knew straight away what she was talking about.

"yeah i guess he did the gate wouldn't have been closed if he didn't sacrifice himself" I couldn't bring myself to tell her that i had to do it. I had to kill him. I had to kill him. El had nearly fallen to sleep so i stood her up and guided her into my room to go to sleep. "where are you going?" she asked as i was about to leave the room. "just for a smoke i will be back soon i promise" She looked at me and a small smile crept across her face as i left the room and sat on the porch swing outside.

It was a cold night for July but the adrenaline kept me warm. I was alone with my thoughts once again which i knew wasn't a good idea. Then it hit me I loved my best friend Cheif Jim Hopper. I loved him and now he's gone because i killed him. I broke down crying. There was no one to call and this would never get easier because he wasn't here. The only reason it got easier when Bob died is because he was here with me and got me through it. I didn't stop crying but i had to go inside it was too cold. 

I went into the room to see El sleeping so peacefully unaware of my presence. I layed down next to her with no intention of sleeping. I couldn't sleep because everytime i closed my eyes i saw us. I saw him nod telling me it was okay to let go, i saw the car argument when we were both in denial after Murray's theory and i saw us hold hands on that fair ride. I just cried all night.

I somehow managed to stay awake all night watching El sleep. She reminded me of him alot, her determination, courage and stuborness. In the little time he had her he raised her very well. Suddenly she awoke confused of her surroundings. "joyce why aren't i at home?" she asked scanning the room. "do you remember last night at all?" i asked. Her smile faded and she said "is he really gone?" she asked crying "yes el i'm sorry" i gave her a hug crying too but i didn't let her see that, i couldn't. 

Later that day, i left the kids at home with some takeout food and i left for the cabin. I was going there to collect some of El's things for her and i was going to bring some of Hopper's stuff too. I'm not sure why mabye it made me believe he was still here somehow. I grabbed a box of El's clothes and belongings from the destroyed cabin. I walked back in and into Hopper's room. I opened his drawers and collected some of his clothes, mostly police uniforms, sweaters and flannels. Just as i was about to leave spotted a box in the corner of the room labelled JH+JH. What did that mean?

I put the box down on the floor carefully trying not to break anything else and opened the other box. It had all of mine and Hopper's school memories. I can't believe he kept these. I put on one of his flannels before exiting the cabin and getting into my car. Just before i drove off i closed my eyes for a moment or two and saw Hopper, he promised me he was still alive and he was coming for our date on Friday. When i reopened my eyes i smiled for the first time today and knew he was coming for the date. I was in denial.

Friday night was dinner at Enzo's and Hop was going to pick me up. I fed the kids and at about 5:30pm i started to get ready. I put on a black dress with heels and light makeup. I left my hair down and wavy. The final touch was a necklace from  the JH+JH box. It had the same initials engraved onto it and one other word 'forever'.  Once i was done getting ready it was 6:50pm i only had to wait 10 minutes so i decided to sit on the porch swing.

I was caught in my own thought for a few moments until El spoke and said "Joyce, what are you doing out here?" i looked confused did she not know "oh your dad is picking me up for dinner i'm waiting for him" she was the one who looked confused now "but Joyce he's gone" she began to tear up. I began to breathe heavily and i was on the verge of crying when i remembered "he promised me we were going to go on this date so he's coming." The noise of my voice must have startled Jonathan and Will because they came outside almost straight away.

"mom he's not coming" Jonathan said sitting next to me. "your in denial mom he's gone" Will said trying to comfort El. I sighed "he probably forgot to pick me up i'll be back later" and wit that i was driving myself to Enzo's. I walked into Enzo's and sat at a table staring at the door. I ordered many drinks and ate breadsticks the whole time. It soon neared 9:30pm and i was very drunk. I decided to pay the check and leave. I can't believe he forgot. 

Once i arrived back home i changed into one of his shirts yet again and went to sit near El on the couch. Jonathan and Will were both doing something else so it left me and El alone. "what are you watching?" i asked slurring "Miami Vice mine and dad's favourite show" the memory of Hopper flooded into my mind and i realised he was really gone and there was nothing i could do about it. "sure el" i faked a smile and watched TV with El almost all night, even if i was crying the entire night.