What are you reading?

o

And everyday I wake with this sorrow I cannot shake. Holding me back beneath this darkness at my heart aches at.
I shed through tears and screams trying to figure out why he didn't choose me,
why we were never meant to be,
why I'm trapped Inside this hell that no one can see.
I break more with each and every word I speak not-knowing that Im digging this hole deeper til it is too deep.
And I jump and tear at the walls til I cannot breathe, knowing that I'm once again,
buried beneath a darkness,
only I can see"

"Thank you Haechan, as always very beautiful and lovely to the point. Thank you for feeling free to show us your masterpiece.
So next one on the list is, uhh, Ah! There.
Jehun would you Come and read what you prepared?"

asked the slightly slowly aging woman, wich had pinned up long grey hair, her 'oldy' glasses wich she ironically wore the last 30 years. surprise it hasn't broke yet. She adored to wear a light nude shade of lipstick, everyone called it dirty brown but Haechan liked the color, just as Mark did.

Jehun already stood next to the front desk, and started to read whatever he wrote down. Noone would listen anyways, so he wouldn't put much effort into reading it good aloud out.

Mark watched at Haechan, who sat infront of him
He wrote something in that book he always had next to him, like his private diary.
The words from Haechan basically hung in marks head.

"I shed through tears and screams trying to figure out why he didn't choose me"

What would he particularly mean with that?
Like, he's not in the position to know it and he's pretty sure Haechan wouldn't just tell him what it means that but he wanted to know it so bad.

Once again the old lady resorted herself to the front, to get the next student. Marks anxiety literally went so high in 3 seconds, well knowing he haven't got called to the front yet and only a few remained.

" Sooo, the next one would be, uh Mark! Did you prepared anything?" She looked up from her old little book and looked at him

If he would say something, he would stutter so he just nodded. She in return, smiled and sat down again, watching the boy getting up slowly.

He looked at the whole class, searching for his eyes. rather Haechan eyes. He gave him a little smile and formed a ' you got that' with his lips.

"Overthinking . Its such a cruel thing .
A simple " I love you " , could make them question it all .
Are they lying ? Why would they love me ? I'm not worthy of them .They don't mean that . This was probably a dare .
Why ?
Why ?
Why ?
Why can I not simply trust their words are geniune ? Why must I question everything they say and do Why can I not accept they love me ? Why must my thoughts always be clouded with doubt ?"

Not everyone listen, but those who did were shocked. It's been a while since everyone read their work out loud, and maybe a few improved. But noone did as much as Mark and Haechan.

Haechan looked at mark the whole time, he saw marks shaking hands and his little stutter wich he was able to hide. He had multiple chuckle moments and as it seems mark seems to hear them because he couldn't hold his smile too.
Even though mark talked about such a 'deep'
Subject.

Truth is, Haechans friend died. They used to lay on rooftops together and Stargaze the  whole night, over and over. It was like they would rely on each other, being connected with the huge amount of stars.

Maybe.

Or maybe they just were good friends.

So everytime he would look into the dark but shining night sky, he would think about his friend, wich caused him not to do it for a long time.

~

"hyuck look, isn't it beautiful? I wish we could be here forever "
"oh cmon don't make the mood sad now"

"maybe for you there is a tomorrow "

~
Little did he know , it was one of the last things he ever said to him

*

"I did my best to try and forget you, pills, distractions, I remember you told me, "I hate to see you like this," but you know better than anyone that you were the beginning of my demise"

*

For fact, Haechan had a huge problem.

An eating disorder, an addiction problem and primary other things but he didn't even think about seeking for help.
His mom raised him thinking getting help is like giving up and it haunts him
till
now.

He had a book with a lot of letters and pictures of things that made him shiver in many ways, like memories or reminders. It could be one of the most important things he ever had, wich wasn't much at all.

But who would've thought that, exactly noone. Because
noone
seemed to care.

It was father's day. A day he couldn't celebrate in any way possible because there wasn't any father figure in his life, and the school day always ended up with him being annoyed.

He sat down as far away as he could, back at the wall.
In this subject mark and his friend shared the desk with him, wich was at least one good thing at that day for both.

And as soon as the teacher came in, his mood change began to start, and his face expression went darker. Both of theirs.

" Today we're gonna celebrate father's day and make something for your dad's. Before you all complain yes I know you all are almost grown up but trust me, old daddy's sometimes want simple things."

"I'm not gonna do any shit " Haechan flushed out in silence, loud enough for Mark to understand, and for his teacher to suspect what he just said.

"yes you're also gonna do something for you dad Haechan. You're no exception "

"yes iam dipshit, because not everyone in this fucking classroom has a dad okay. be more sentimental and ask why tf I wouldnt do any shit " he stood up and pushed the table out of anger.

" what the hell do you think you're doing. Detention, go see the principal. Now"

he came closer to Haechan, as soon as he was near enough Haechan was about to push him away if mark didn't went between it.

" Okay enough hyuck, get urself together and hurry up " mark took his hand and stuff and left the room together with him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He raised one eyebrow and looked furious at mark.

"Saving your ass"dipshit" you better thank me "
He gasped and looked at Haechan.
Something about him was different this time, what did happen that he bottled up his danger so much.
Or maybe he was just imagining things

For Mark, the day wasn't more eventful. Sure he at least had a dad at home, but the relationship with him could be easier through.
Argue and getting things to clear it up were normal for his dad, because he couldn't say sorry properly.
He was a spitefull ill-mannered man who had way to much money.

His mom on the other hand loved him but is in fact a busy woman,
Doesn't seem like a "stable " family but he wasnt in the place to judge.