What are you reading?

.

After months of not speaking ,
not even a text ,
he asked how he was .
He wanted to say how he had cried on the bathroom floor ,
for hours ,
clawing at his chest .
He wanted to say how he barley had motivation to get out of bed for weeks after it happened .
He wanted to say how many sleepless nights he had because of him .
He wanted to say how badly he had broken his heart .
But he didn't .
He said he was just
fine.

School sucks.
Mark hates It.

So many dumb students that laugh louder then the teachers can scream, so many groups standing around. The tired faces ,hoping school is gonna fall out and they can get the sleep they're seeking for days.

It's like a huge filled room with problems, high students and the ones who really wanna learn.
Typical ways of a class combination.

Christmas was coming near and the whole school is decorating the halls , the huge tree in the front of the old dark building.

Students come with Christmas hats on trying to give everyone Christmas feelings.
He loved Christmas ,the family time , all the gifts and the organization of homeless people dinner every year.

The typical Christmas everyone loves.

Haechan hates Christmas
The fact that family's come together just to celebrate something they don't even believe in
All the Christmas lights and the Stress to have a shiny house for a month. The money you waste for all the gifts you get or have to buy
Lying about Santa Claus to little kids

His Christmas always was something he wasn't happy about. As a kid he used to get gifts but as older as he got his mother started to not even show up ,family members never came and he haven't seen decoration in his house for years. It was tragic for everyone but he was used to it

They never had a Christmas tree because his mom said she reacts allergic to it so he never made a tree look beautiful .

All these standards that were normal for everyone was something he couldn't afford and only dream of

The sparkle of Christmas left pretty early and he's sure it's nothing that comes back.

Many of his past friends tried to get him back on the Christmas path but that obviously wouldn't work , he's not 5. There were times where he wished he could come back to it , to a happy family and a happy Christmas with honest deep happiness but nothing he could do would've change or help.

It's like a curse.

Deep down in his thoughts Mark noticed that there was something moving outside. Like many little ants going their way ,he focused his eyes again and saw that the lesson was over and everyone alright left.

Well everyone except Haechan ,he was resting his head on his arms ,wich rested on the desk.
He never has seen someone this pretty . Even when he was sleeping.

He got up and sat on the chair Infront of him, having the back part on his chest.
He slowly tucked his hair between his ears, looking at the pretty details of Haechan's eyelashes. His little marks on his face.

The prettiest boy he has ever seen.

He couldn't believe his luck.

So I looked at the world
one last time,
and I realized,
that I wanted to see thousand more sunsets,
and a hundred more roadtrips.
Seventy more adventures,
and forty more embarrassments.
I wanted to see it all, because I knew,
that I deserved to.
see so much more.

Ending up in a cafe, they went in the corner with a little desk and two stairs. Far away from the small amount of people that visited it here.

After a while of sitting there someone eventually noticed that there are customers waiting in the back, apologizing about the time that passed

"I'm really sorry for the long wait, there were some problems in the kitchen and I had to wait.
What can I bring for you two ?"

"No it's fine we have time, One hot chocolate and I would like a black iced coffee, thanks "

Haechan tried to make sure that she doesn't feel guilty after the absolutely bad lie she told, watching her leave and come back 10 minutes later.

"There you go, enjoy it "

Mark couldn't stop looking. At Haechan's tiny arms and his beautiful face

Not sure how many times this is gonna happen again but he's sure it's not the last time.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh? What would be wrong "

You're looking, as If he wouldn't notice

"You're looking at me. You did the past hour and still do"
"Something wrong with it?"

No.
There's not.
But it makes me feel things I prefer not to feel so I want to know if you feel them too, because if you don't I would say you gotta have to look away.

"No, just wondering."

Silence.

"how long has it been since you slept?"

Why would that matter.
I did a while ago. In school, don't you remember?

"In school. Why ?"
"You didn't. That was a nap and not sleep you need to take."

Silence.

"Im serious Haechan, when did you sleep the last time."

Truth is, he doesn't remember. He does take one or two hours a night ,mostly but really sleeping is something he haven't gotten these days.

"Been a while hm? I really don't want so sound like your mom or something but you should get help okay ? Get medications for sleep or try anything on tea. Or sleep in my bed if it helps but please get sleep."

Hm. Don't worry you don't sound like my mom. I'm fact she would've never said these things to him, it's like she's not even there .

"I know "

That's all he could Mutter or he would burst out in tears.