Chasing Fallen

Chapter 32

Blood pounded in my ears. My heart thudded painfully in chest, my hands shaking. My feet tingled. Vision disfigured, as if I was looking through a fish-eye lens.

Everything was closing in on me and I was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

My therapist told me to address what had happened by coming to terms with the past. That was not how I operated. I liked to ignore things and pretend that they were not there.

Or that they never happened.

It worked well for a year and now with faces from the past popping up like a bad case of unwanted zits, I didn't know what to do.

I sat in the car with my head on the steering wheel.

"I wonder how tight you'll feel."

"No, no no no, Cam. Just don't think about it. You're okay. I'm okay. I don't care." I chanted for the hundredth time.

I was hugging myself, but my hands needed to be far away from my body considering how much I was scratching myself, trying to remove the remnants of his touch.

"I'm going to start a party in there, trust me."

I squinted my eyes hoping that would change something, anything. But the darkness removed me from reality and made the visions from the past more realistic.

"I've wanted you for so long and you want to give yourself to that lowlife McGuire. He wouldn't be able to treat you as well as I would."

The lowlife whose house I was parked outside off. The lowlife that had somehow became my last resort.

I had no one.

Noah was gone.

Emily was gone.

Stella wasn't there.

And Peyton.

Peyton!

I let out a strangled scream.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Mr Conner. She's been there for about half an hour now."

Before I knew it the gate had opened. I couldn't look up. I was ashamed and humiliated. Betrayed by my own best friend.

Who was I kidding?

She wasn't my best friend anymore.

Why couldn't I stop thinking?

The door opened.

"Hey," Easy whispered, his voice low. I looked up and his eyes widened when he took in my state. I probably looked as bad as I felt, which was saying a lot.

"Easy."

My voice broke and I launched myself into his arms. When he welcomed me into his tight embrace that was when I started sobbing.

He just held me until I started hiccuping, stroking my hair at soothing intervals.

"It's cold out here, we should probably go inside," he offered a small smile. I nodded and let him maneuver me into the house.

"Vin, please park her car in the garage for me." I heard him say to the guard.

I was far gone. The whole scenario taking over my mind. Switching back and forth between that night and today, blurring the lines between the present and the past.

"We'll only do anything you're comfortable with. I just wanna cuddle and maybe watch some anime, but if anything R-rated comes up again, I wouldn't mind."