Billie's pov:
This touring thing has been a bit tiring lately. It's okay tho I'm going back home for a month soon and then we'll go to Europe. I and Mia have been a bit weird since I figured she cut herself before we went on tour. She kept lying and telling me she has been clean for so long. I don't trust her as much as I did. I'm scared when she goes shower because I'm scared she's gonna do something to herself. I'm worried about her. I talked to her about it a night ago but she brushed it off and said she's fine and that she's over that shit. But I got mad at her because I feel like she keeps lying to me. We haven't spoken a lot today and it's murdering me.
I'm getting ready for a show right now and she's on the couch talking to Emma. I didn't mean to get mad at her but I'm so upset when she brushes shit off like it's not important when it's actually really fucking serious and it hurts me.
"Billie get ready you're performing in a few minutes" my mom says
"Okay" I answer
I look at Mia. She was unbothered. Still talking to Emma. Ugh. I stood there waiting for her to notice that I'm staring at her. She keeps laughing and talking about some shit with Emma.
"Are you coming to watch me?" I ask
She looks up at me and stops laughing.
"Uhm..." she looks back at her phone "Yeah of course" she sighed and said goodbye to Emma.
I wait for her to stand up and to walk with me to the stage. She gets up and we walk together to Finneas who was ready to go on the stage and gave me the microphone. He goes on the stage and people start screaming. I stood there waiting and counted down the seconds and went on stage. I stood there looking around. Everyone was screaming. Bury a friend starts playing and I start singing the lyrics.
Shit, my leg hurts so bad rn I want to stop. The next song is you should see me in a crown I'll give more energy there. My legs have been hurting since we got here. I don't know why. It's probably nothing bad. But it hurts tho fuck. I'll be fine.
You should see me in a crown starts playing and I go down on my knees. As the chorus comes on a start jumping like crazy and the crowd also goes crazy. Them giving me crazy energy makes me so happy and hyped. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my ankle. Shit. I knew this was going to happen. Dude, it's literally the second song what the fuck.
"FUCK" I yell and stop jumping. The song stops playing
Finneas fastly runs to me and grabs me so I don't fall. Fuck fuck fuck no no why is this happening. He walks me backstage and I sit down on the chair. Everyone comes rushing to me and asking what happened. My mom brings me my boot and I put it on
"How much pain do you feel from 1 to 10?" my mom kept asking over and over again
"10" I answer. Jesus this hurts like a bitch.
"You can't perform if your leg hurts this bad"
"Mom I'll be fine I can do this" I try to stand up
"Fuck this hurts so bad I can't even walk" I groan "why is this happening now?" I look around and see Finneas Mia and my team all around me.
"We need to end the show. We can't continue she's in too much pain" my mom puts her hand on her forehead
"MOM NO"
"Billie you can't perform like this"
"I won't be canceling a fucking show because of my leg" I insist
"Billie, how are you going to perform otherwise?"
"I can sit as I did in Milan please don't cancel it I'll disappoint everyone"
"Okay" my mom sighs
They carry me back on the stage and I sit.
"Guys I'm so sorry. Fuck this hurts like a bitch for real. I'm okay tho. I won't be able to give you the best show because of this fucker" I look down. Fuck why is this happening again?
They all cheer and some yell "I love you" which made me smile.
I continue the show, sitting on the chair. It was the most fucked up shit. The show was a bit shorter. I apologize to the crowd and walk off the stage.
"FUCK THIS SHIT" I yell
"Billie calm down" my mom said as I walked in the backstage
"I'm so mad! I wanted to give them all my energy but now I couldn't I hate this ugghh" I groan
"We'll probably have to cancel the last two shows" I heard my team talk in the back
"NO WE ARE NOT CANCELING SHOWS" I say
"Billie are you sure?" my mom asks
"Yes I'll be fine. The last year was the same in Milan and we didn't cancel shows please don't cancel shows" I beg
My mom looks at my team and back at me and sighs.
"But you'll have to exercise"
"Not every day"
"Yes every day as u did after the Milan show"
"Ugh" I groan
"When did your leg started hurting?" Finneas asks
"Like before the show"
"And you didn't tell us? Billie, you have to tell us things like these-"
"No cuz yall motherfuckers would cancel the show" I roll my eyes
"But it's for ur health bil" Mia says
"I don't care I just want to do shows dude" I cover my face. I'm so mad.
We get back to the hotel and I lay on the bed. I take out my phone and go through Instagram to see if there's any video of me yelling fuck. And there it was. My whole explore page full of videos of me at the show. Fuck I hate myself. I look over to Mia and see her drawing something. She notices I'm looking at her and looks back at me.
"Hi" she says shyly
"Hi"
"How's your leg?"
"It hurts like a bitch and I'm fucking mad"
"It's not your fault-"
"YES, IT IS WHY AM I ALWAYS HAVING TROUBLE WITH MY ANKLES?" I yell
She just goes quiet and continues drawing.
"Sorry I didn't mean to yell" I say
She didn't answer she just continued drawing some shit. I sigh and turn around and look through the window. It was raining. I just stare at the view and start thinking about some random shit. What if I'll wake up one day and I won't have this anymore? Fame, my fans, my friends, Mia... What if she's still not okay what if she's lying to me? What if she does something to herself again? I turn around and look at Mia.
"Baby" I say
She looks up at me and puts her book down.
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay? Like really okay?" I ask and look into her eyes
"Yeah why?" she smiles
I sigh and crawl next to her.
"I'm just worried about you"
"I'm okay I promise you" she gives me a smile.
"I'm sorry for being such a bitch"
She looks at me and chuckles.
"It's okay no need to apologize I'm used to it"
"What is that supposed to mean?" I furrow my brows
She just giggles and continues drawing. I lay my head on her chest and look what exactly she's drawing.
"Wait did you take this picture?"
"Your mom did actually"
"Oh... your gonna draw it?"
"Mhm" she nods
I look at her drawing it for a while and close my eyes.
"Is it okay if I lay on you like this for a while? I'm kinda tired"
"Of course bub no need to ask"
"Okay" I sigh and close my eyes
A/N
Hi guys how are you?? I hope yall are okay pleaseee wear a mask and drink something. I love you. Also i have like 4 exams the next month and I don't know how i am gonna get thru this but yeah. New parts coming soon i can't wait for you guys to read them... I got some shit prepared for u :*
YOU ARE READING
When I wake up I see, you with me /b.e
FanfictionI walked around till I saw this girl sitting on the couch trying to avoid everybody. She was on her phone. Ok, Mia go talk to that girl. I went up to her. I was trying to think what the fuck should I say. "hi" THIS IS MY FIRST BOOK AND TRASH ASF ENJ...
