finding love victoriously

chapter 20 last chapter

BECKS POV

"I love you." Tori tells me half way during our anniversary dinner.

"I love you." I smile at her.

I move to grab her hand, but she falls.

"Tori! Somebody call 911!" I shout moving to grab her.

"Tori!" I try waking her up, but nothing happens, I feel her breathing, I hear her heart beat, I know she's alive, but probably not for much longer. I hold on to her for ten minutes before somebody takes her away from me. I ride with her to the hospital, I call the kids letting them know what's going on.

I do everything without thinking.

I start crying on the endless ride to the hospital. I see her body, seeming so lifeless, The body that gave birth to my four kids, the body that would have given birth to five kids, If I hadn't cheated on her. Her face, the face that always smiled at me. The face that glared at me.

I sat looking at the woman who made me the man I am today. The woman who gave me four kids, a lot of happiness, stress, and love, I remember, the doctors trying to save her, but not succeeding.

Tori Oliver the love of my life, died on our anniversary, leaving behind a broken family.

I remember the funeral, everyone crying.

I remember, crying for months. I remember Cat making me get help.

My kids drifting away from me, because I was not acting like my self shutting them out.

I remember realizing that I'm not the only one that is hurt by this.

I remember one day deciding that even though it hurts I need to move on, like everyone else has.  I remember, blocking my self off from the world, never talking to anyone, never answering the door, leaving the house only when necessary.

I remember running into her mom one day.

"Beck, I know it hurts. I lost my daughter, But you have to move on. She wouldn't want you to be by yourself. You need to find someone to talk to. Get yourself a girlfriend. You can't be hurting yourself like this Beck. You're only killing yourself."

"Maybe killing myself would be a good thing. I'm tired of suffering."

"Don't you dare say anything like that again Beck. You're not the only one suffering here. We all are. You're kids, they're worried about you. Austin, he's scared. You're worrying everyone Beck.  You need to move on. Not just for you, but for Tori, For everyone around you. Here, I found this yesterday as I was cleaning your house and putting her things away. " She hands me a paper, then hugs me and walks away.

I go home and sit down on her side of the bed, unfolding the paper. On it is her handwriting.

Beck,

hey, if you're reading this I'm either dead or you're being nosy and going through my stuff. Anyways I just wanted to tell you that I love you. You've been there for me whenever I needed you.

If you're reading this after my death, do me one last favor, move on, find another girl, please.  don't do anything stupid.

Don't stop hanging with Jade, and Cat, and the boys.

Remember that we have four beautiful kids, well they're no longer kids, but remember to look out for them. 

Don't shut yourself out, you big goofball.

Go out and enjoy the world. Go sing.

NO matter what, keep singing, for me. Sing everyday, for me.

Here I'll sing with you.

That song  you sang to me before asking me out.

 'Finally, my Choice is clear,

I knew when only you and I were standing here,

and beautiful is all I see

I know is you I know its true it has to be" 

Keep singing babe. Not for you, but for me, sing when you're in the shower, or at the store, when you're in the kitchen cooking, every time you think of me sing.

I love you. And that is why I'm telling you to move on. I love you Beck. So much you have no idea.

I love you, please move on though. You need to be happy, for me.

                        with endless love,

                                Tori Oliver <3

I refolded the sheet of paper and put it in my pocket.

If Tori wants me to be happy I will be happy. 

"Finally My choice is clear, I knew when only you and I were standing here. And beautiful, IS all I see, I know its you, I know It's true It has to be..." I started singing.

Everyday after that, I sang. I tried to smile, And slowly I went back to my old self.

I met a girl, Veronica, she insisted I call her Ronnie. She reminded me so much of Tori, it was hard to spend time with her at first. She knew about Tori, about my kids, about the miscarriage, about the cancer. She knows about everything. She doesn't get mad when I call her Tori, she doesn't scream at me for randomly disappearing and visiting Tori's grave. She helps me. She helps me move on, she helps me smile.

She helps me remember  that nothing is permanent.

Slowly, but surely, I was able to get over Tori. Not to forget her, I could never forget her, but to get over her and move on.

Yeah, I still go to her grave for her birthday, and anniversary, and the kids birthday, and during any special holiday. But I've moved on.

I remarried, But didn't have any more kids. I was happier, but a big part of me was still missing. And I realized that you never really get over a loved one's death.

_______

Guys I'm like crying my eyes out here. I dodn't even know why I did this. One second I'm typing about them getting married, the next I'm typing about him getting over her death. I don't know what to do anymore. This story has come to a close. Finding Love Victoriously is now over. Maybe not so victorious, but it's over. I know it's not a happy ending, but, how many people get a happy ending anyways?

admittedly this wasn't going to be the way it ended, but it wasn't really going to have a happy ending. I was going to have them get a divorce because he cheated, but this is what came out instead.

Thank you for sticking with me through all of this.

BTW SORRY IF THIS SUCKS I'VE WRITTEN EVERYTHING FROM CHAPTER 16 TO HERE IN JUST ONE DAY