Bittersweet // DreamnotFound

Phones

Dream found himself a bit confused with the question Sapnap asked him. Nothing was 'up' with him and George. Yeah, Dream did hold him in a dip position when he saved him from drowning, and yes, the two didn't go to the river today, but nothing to be asking questions about. How would Sapnap know about all of that anyway? George? Why would George tell Sapnap all that? So, he voiced his confusion.

"What?"

"Right, sorry, let me correct myself," Sapnap cleared his throat in apology. "What is with you?"

Oh. He meant the decrease in flirting. How he seemed to watch his mouth more. How he tried less to make George blush. What was with him. He would tell Sapnap everything, but first he had to make sure they were thinking about the same thing.

"Nothing's with me," he lied.

"Yeah, and you're straight, okay."

"I am!"

"Tell that to George while looking him in the eyes."

The call became silent. They were thinking of the same thing.

"What's bothering you," he asked Dream in a more comforting tone. So, Dream told him everything. Told him his feelings for George. Told him how he was trying to erase those feelings. Told him the river dip. Told him the holding hands. Told him the hug. Told him about George's text. Told him about his worries from earlier that day. Some things he said were sweet in his mouth and rolled off his tongue easily. Others were bitter and hard to get out. He still said it all though. He still let it all out, with Sapnap quietly listening the entire time.

It took a long silence before Sapnap talked again, probably thinking about what to say next and waiting to make sure Dream was done. He had multiple long, quiet moments in between the whole story.

"Okay," Sapnap said after a bit. "Some of that I knew, like your feelings, but trying to get rid of them...".

His voice trailed off.

There was another moment of silence.

"How did you know," Dream asked, much quieter than he ever usually is.

"Just did. The way you talk to him and looked at him last year. You blush anytime he laughs." Sapnap chuckled. "It was obvious to anyone that looked hard enough. Obvious to anyone that isn't George."

Thinking about how he is with George leaves a bad feeling in his stomach. Not because it's another boy. Not because it was his best friend. But because it was George. Because it was someone who shouldn't have to deal with him.

"Why do you want to get rid of those feelings?"

"I don't want him to leave." He felt selfish saying that. "I don't want our friendship to be ruined because of me."

Now he was choking back tears, like the thought of George leaving was too much to handle.

Sapnap stayed silent for a while, maybe thinking about how to reply.

"Dream," he started. "Do you know what George was like in school before you started hanging out with him?"

He shook his head before remembering he was on call and saying, "No. I don't pay attention to people that much."

"He never told you? I guess it's not something you would want to tell someone. In short, he used to get teased, bullied. He was always alone, except the occasional friend, who would leave quickly, but George also gets attached quickly. He would get called 'small' or 'weak'. Then you rolled along. You're taller and stronger, looked like you were his bodyguard or something. They were scared to pick on George then. They were scared he would call your name anytime he got punched and you would go beat them up. I think you've done so much for him he could never leave you willingly."

He slammed his head on his desk, startling Patches. He suddenly became aware of his surroundings again, his desk, his bed, the cold air, the darkness of his room around him.

"Why didn't he tell me?"

The words stood in the air, repeating in his head, whispering something about trust.

"Why did he tell you and not me?"

Now he actually was crying. He felt ashamed. Felt ashamed he made George feel like he couldn't trust him.

"Because I forced it out of him," Sapnap replied.

He shot his head up from his desk at Sapnap speaking. He forgot he was on call with him. The desk was soaked with tears he barely remembered crying. Everything seemed to have zoned out for a second. Sapnap seemed to always keep him grounded to reality.

"Remember when George and I had that two-day argument? That was the reason for it. George kept hinting at it and when I tried to get it out of him, he ignored me. Eventually he said the whole story but then wouldn't talk to me for those two days. I had to call him while you were asleep and apologize. We worked things out from there."

Dream soaked in all the information as much as the thin tissues soaked the hundreds of salty tears on his desk.

"After he told me about it, I suggested he should tell you as well, but he obviously he never did. I think he didn't want us to know in case we made fun of him as well. In case you saw those things as well and left him."

Did George not trust him?

The words came back, whispering about trust again.

"He trusts you, the enemies in his head don't."

There Sapnap was again, keeping him grounded, knowing what he was thinking.

He sat with his arms wrapped around his legs on his black desk chair. It was a wonder how Dream was comfortable., with his height. He usually sat like this whenever he was scared or sad. Sometimes both.

"Look, since you're really beating yourself up over it, why don't you go do something? Take your mind off it," Sapnap suggests.

"But I don't have that much longer-"

"It'll do you good."

They sit in silence for a bit.

"Thanks, Sapnap." Dream was honestly unsure where he would be right now without him.

"No problem, dude! You should get some rest, it's pretty late." Dream turned over to the clock on his desk to see that it had, in fact gotten very late. 3:27 A.M. Did they really talk for that long? Three hours? It didn't feel like that long.

They tell each other goodnight before both logging off for the night. All Dream could think about before falling asleep was their whole conversation. Get his mind off of it, huh? Dream would like to see how that would ever play out.