unmendable ⍟ jaemin

↳ 38

why. ambulances sirens blaring in the background as she fell to her knees, why.

why her?
why did i mess up?
why did i treat her like a friend?

she promised herself to not bring personal feelings for gang related missions. she knew that nothing could go smoothly, nothing could be perfect.

she loved to cling to that tiny ray of hope that no innocent people would die in vein but now... look what had happened.

sakura's body was covered with a thin sheet of white on the stretcher.

she hated having emotions, she hated feeling happiness, sadness, irritation, love.
she hated the stares she got so she kept her head down throughout the rest of the lecture.

back in the suffocating four corners painted in the colour of off-white, translucent liquid leaving streaks down her cheeks. an open wound deep enough to keep her desire for pain satisfied and cat-like scratches on the nape of her neck.

" i hate everything. " she whispered to no one in particular, she found herself nothing more than pathetic.

she could hear someone' s futile attempt to open the door behind her, a force felt on the other side, the person directly behind her sitting back to back with her just that a opaque door restricted their backs to come into contact with each other's.

like elsa shutting herself away and anna's attempt to experience happiness with someone the girl shut away.

" hey. " something in his voice made her heart ache and brought more tears to her eyes, " its alright, its not your fault, " jaemin had always shown a considerate amount of care towards her and everyone else but who actually cared for him?

she wanted to speak, to tell him that it was not alright but it came out as multiple series of coughs and sobs.

silence on his end and her cries on the other, her cries felt like knifes stabbing into his heart, his heart cries.
and so will he.

" its not your mistake, its ours, don't push all the blame to yourself, " his smoothing voice floating through the gaps, he hesitated, " we're not good people, people die and we are the killers. "

" it's time to acknowledge death's looming presence, " he got up from the ground, " remember to come out to eat. " he reminded.

ironically, he hadn't eaten or drank anything since the previous day, he hadn't been feeling any sort hunger or what sort. sliding his hands into the depths of his pockets, he retreated to his own room.

maybe he should try taking his own advice someday.

💔

the turn of the lock suggested y/n's approval for jaemin's entry.

she eventually allowed jaemin to take a look at her arm after jaemin's nagging, her bandaged arms made her look like dazai or maybe even isaac.

" what you looking for? " he eyed y/n rummaging through her closet in search for something.

" a hoodie of course, " she spoke as if it was the most obvious thing she was searching for, " to hide these ugly bandages. "

" hey y/n? " his mind recalled an article he saw a few weeks prior, " would you mind if i drew on you? "

her hand stopped midair, she appears to be giving it some sort and after a moment of delay, she replied, " i would let you on one condition. "

" that is? "
"you'll have to lend me your hoodie whenever i want. "

jaemin strolled over to the white desk at the corner of the room and pulled the permanent marker out of the pen holder, " please kindly hand your arm over. "

he pulled her left bandaged arm to himself, instructing her to turn away so that whatever he drew would be a " surprise. "

" you can look at it now. " it had been around only five minutes, and whatever he had drawn was only concentrated on her wrist area.

it was a butterfly. it was a rather cute one. although it wasn't the fanciest butterfly with many different designs, she still really adored the drawing, it also had jaemin's initials of ' njm ' beside the butterfly written in a column from top to bottom.

" its called the butterfly project, that butterfly represents me, " his lips tugged up, " if you hurt yourself, you'll kill the butterfly and ever feel the urge to hurt yourself, just look at that and remember me. "

of course she wanted to remember everything about him.
she wanted to remember every single moment and detail about jaemin.
everything.

" what if it fades? "
" i can always redraw it for you, " a simple offer, who knows how many times he would be able redraw it, " i will keep redrawing it until you stop hurting yourself. "

" i'd very much rather have it permanently, like a tattoo, " y/n wasn't so bothered about what the butterfly meant but rather it was because jaemin was the one who drew it for her and that it would remind her about this day in the foreseeable future, " but right now i would still want you to draw it for me. "

" you talk as if i'm going somewhere soon, " he hit her lightly on the top of her head, " stupid. i'm not going anywhere. "

↳ wassuppp!
sorry for the rather short and many many dialogue chapter
anyways, how we feeling about jaemin's and y/n's bond??
i think its kinda cute ><
i meann, its my type of cute so like :]
hope you liked his chapter! see u in the next :D
alsooo, how did sakura die ? :> kinda obvious but like ever thought of ✨why✨
imma just leave it there :)
i might not actly tell yall why she died oop HAHSHA