unmendable ⍟ jaemin

↳ 1

her

Y/n sat in front of her many college assignments, eyes skimming across the words as she tried her hardest to understand them. She sighed in defeat, picking up another one and attempting the questions.

The first few questions seemed relatively easy but she soon got stuck at a harder one. She stared down at the page inked with questions, not processing anything as her earpiece blasted music into her ear.

She picked up her own phone to ask her friend for help but placed it down again. She was aware of the countless number of times she had asked them for help and didn't want them to think of her as a burden.

She stared down at the same page, unmoving. Thinking of how dumb and useless she was until the door creaked open.

" what are you doing? " her mother asked sternly.

" I don't know how to do my assignment, " she said quietly, feeling even more useless after she said those words.

" do your other assignments then, "

" I don't know how to do that either, " she said mumbled out, turning the paper over in her hands.

" why don't you know how to do anything? " her sister who walked past voiced out, " you only know how to ask your friends for answers and use your phone all day long, you can't even get a part-time job for more money. "

" Get them done before dinner, " her mother said, turning to walk out of the room, " or starve. "

She bit the tip of her pen, feeling tears prick at her eyes. She hasn't cried in a long time, mostly feeling overwhelmed with emotions but she always ended up bottling her emotions.

She didn't want to seem weak.

She didn't have anyone to comfort her after he left, she didn't want to burden people with her problems or be judged for the scars on her left wrist.

She always had a happy facade whenever she was around her friends. She wanted them to think that she was carefree, with little problems despite failing numerous subjects.

She was a kind girl, really. She tries to help as many people as she can, knowing how horrible it is to have no one to confide in.

She always tried her best to solve others problems, assuring them that everything was going to be ok. She always force a smile to her lips, laughing along with others, pretending she was ok, when she really wasn't.

She had lots of scars on her wrist yet she remembered to smile even when suicidal thoughts clouded her mind. She had depression, she knew it but she didn't want to admit it nor visit the doctor. She pulled open her drawer, rummaging through it and pulling out a penknife.

She looked down at her wrist, placing the sharp pen knife over her old scar and reopening the just recovered cut. She smiled slightly, feeling the pain on her wrist and watching the blood drip out seemed oddly satisfying to her.

Everyone who met her thought her life was perfect. Being an ace at archery, they often envied the smiley girl, wishing they lived her life. However, stress, peer pressure, overthinking and suicidal thoughts caused her to feel burdened and she often wished she was someone else.

In addition to that, she didn't have a father. Her father died when she was only seven, the first scar left on the small girl's heart as she felt that it was all her fault. Nobody knew except him, she couldn't trust anyone and didn't want to be pitied.

She was incapable and afraid of love.

She was almost unmendable.