unmendable ⍟ jaemin

↳ 20

its my fault

" I'm sorry... "

Dino said in the most sincere and raw voice she had ever heard. She looked at Dino, noticing the difference in his features compared to a few years ago. She sat down on the edge of her bed and gestured for him to sit on her bed beside her.

" Why did you suddenly leave? " she asked with a quivering voice, " is it because of me? Was it my fault? "

Chan shook his head, heart breaking when he saw how broken he had left her. How broken he had caused her to be when he left without an explanation.

He wanted to break down in tears, he wanted to cry and tell her how much he regretted his decision, how much he missed her and loved her but he knew he couldn't do that.

With his elbows on his knees and his fingernails digging painfully into his own palms, he told his story. He told her about the note his parents left him, what it told him not to do.

He told her why he had suddenly vanished from her life. He told her why he had thought that by leaving without a reason, it would have kept her less hurt and less broken.

He told her the reason he joined the gang: to get revenge.

He wasn't a revengeful person but 15 year old him was blinded by rage, wanting nothing more than to hurt the people who killed his parents. He thought that by joining a gang, he would automatically get his revenge and he could leave the gang after that.

He didn't know that he had to hurt so many other people and that he could never leave the gang unless he died.

" Its my fault... " he said, voice barely above a whisper, " I'm sorry... "

It felt weird to have so many people in the meeting room at once, more chairs had been brought into the room and a few members were standing around listening to their plan to take down Wolf crew.

But Y/n was barely listening. Her mind wandered to the conversation with Dino earlier, she wondered what her friendship with him would be like or whether they would even carry on talking.

Dino occasionally glanced over to her, his head filled with the questions he was still unable to ask her.

Jaemin sat opposite Y/n, his face emotionless as usual as he leant back on his chair comfortably. He could tell that Y/n wasn't paying any attention to the meeting and he wanted to know what was bothering her.

As much as he wanted to know everything, he knew that she needed her personal space as well and he shouldn't cross his boundaries.

" You okay? " Jaemin asked Y/n almost immediately after the meeting, " you weren't really focusing during the meeting. "

She nodded without paying much attention to his words, " do you think me and him could continue to be friends? "

" You're doing the mission with him, Jeno and me, " Jaemin informed her, " you'll get more time to talk to him. "

Y/n widened her eyes, standing up straight and running a hand through her slightly messy hair, " ah really? "

Jaemin glanced over to Y/n, feeling slightly jealous with the amount of time Dino is on her mind.

" Is he that important to you? " he mumbled, walking away from Y/n.

She tilted her head to one side in confusion, turning around to head back to her room but coming face to face with Dino instead.

" Can I talk to you for a while? "

With that, they were back seated on Y/n's bed with slight awkwardness lingering in the air. They asked each other questions and understood each other more.

" That guy, Jaemin, is he your boyfriend? "

She frowned slightly and shook her head.

" Do you like him? " Dino asked again.

" I... " for a moment, she wanted to say no but she realised that she didn't even know her feelings towards her childhood crush. It had been so long since she had a crush and she was unsure if she still liked him, " I don't know. "

" I have to go now, " Dino said, standing up and following Y/n down the stairs, " it was nice talking to you again. "

" See you, " he said with a small sad smile before exiting NCT's base to return to his own.