Waterfalls || Yeonbin

chapter 2: dry

September 30, 1939

They want me to live on the base; all of us actually. All of us meaning the rest of my team that got assigned to decode this machine. I've been moving boxes and organizing things for the last four hours, having taken the suspenders off my shoulders to relax ages ago. I still have about twenty more boxes on my front porch, somehow able to pack up all my belongings in mere days. There was someone assigned to me in order to help me move in, but he was only assigned two hours of work. He's long gone by now, but at least he helped me get the furniture inside. I feel terrible that I cannot even remember his name.

I would be lying if I didn't think he had a nice physique, taking off his jacket and undoing the first few buttons of his shirt once he started to perspire. I need to stop thinking like this. I know it's entirely wrong—and trust me, my parents have made that very clear—but I can't help it. I don't know what it is, but I've always had this unholy attraction towards men.

Even when I was a child, I remember not being interested in girls. It was especially clear during my teenage years, where apparently every young adult is supposed to begin making these connections. It's like something's wrong with my brain, which I don't entirely understand. I mean, all of my academic achievements should show a healthy, working, above-average brain, and yet, there's something wrong with it.

It's not only the physical attraction, even though that's usually the first thing I notice, but it's the emotional attraction as well. Let me tell you, it's extremely fun and exciting when someone pins you to the bed, but it's heart-warming when they hold you afterwards. But it's illegal; gross indecency. In a prominently Christian/Anglican Church state, it makes sense.

Personally, I don't think politics should reflect your religion; it should reflect the people. But to be fair, I don't think the majority of people in Britain would approve of some of the things I've done. I have always been a rule follower, but I can't help myself, and I break that law. It's happened before. Multiple times, actually. Secretly learning about underground places where I could meet people like me, but none of them ever want to stay. Most of them just need a release to be able to live their lives, but I don't just need a release; I need companionship.

I've never woken up next to someone before, and I'm itching to know what that feels like. They're always gone by the time I wake up in my Manchester flat. But I don't want to wake up next to a woman, a wife; I wish that wasn't the norm. It's strange. I almost want to be in the female's place. I don't want to be the one gently draping an arm over my lover from behind, holding them secure. I want to be the one being held. I want to feel secure in someone else's hold, but I guess it's nothing but a dream at this point.

My throat went dry, bringing the glass of water in my hand up to my lips, replenishing my fluids. It was a much-needed break, but I didn't think I would get lost in my thoughts like this. I stared at the hardwood flooring, gulping down the water in my mouth. I brought my free hand up, rubbing my eyes to shake myself out of it before sliding my fingers through my hair. I took a deep breath, whispering to myself, "You're not supposed to think like that."

"Like what?" I heard a voice say, making me flinch. I turned my head towards the front door, which I had left open to get some air flowing through the house and so I would have an easier time carrying boxes. It was Daniel, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned his shoulder up against the door frame. He was in his military uniform, probably has so many of them to wear every day.

I quickly put the glass of water down on my small mail table, grabbing my suspenders that were hanging by my sides. I put them over my shoulders, feeling a bit embarrassed since I seemed underdressed in this scenario. My simple trousers and button-up shirt was no match for his uniform, especially from the accumulation of sweat on my back. My undershirt wasn't helping on the means of perspiring, making it show through. An oddly hot day for late September.