Waterfalls || Yeonbin

chapter 39: faith

Continuing on January 18, 1941

"Yeonjun, please just let me expl—"

"Get out of my house!" He yelled at me, pointing towards the back door.

I felt the tears brimming in my eyes, "I was going to tell you first. Joan told everyone without me knowing."

He clenched his jaw, "All those times I was envious of Joan. All those times I trusted you around her..." He shook his head, "I even had faith in you and gave you her address... I'm such an idiot."

"No, no... Y-You don't know the whole story." I pleaded, watching his eyes slowly gloss over.

"You're engaged to her! What more could I possible know?!..." He hesitated for a moment, seeing a tear slide down his cheek as he screamed, "We made a fucking vow to each other! Did that mean nothing?! Did I ever mean anything to you?!"

I felt like I was going to burst into tears at any moment. I can't believe I'm making him question how much I'm in love with him, "Everything was real... I don't love her, Jun. I love you."

"Don't fucking call me that..." He scoffed, bringing a hand up to quickly wipe away a tear that escaped, "And why in the world would I ever believe you?..." He responded, taking a step closer to me before sternly saying, "Leave... And don't bother coming back."

He stared into my eyes for a moment before walking around me, rushing up the stairs before I heard the slamming of a door. This can't be happening. I just need to explain to him what happened, but he won't listen. I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat and running after him upstairs. I saw his bedroom door closed, knowing that's where he was.

I knocked on the door, quickly saying, "Daniel, I promise it's not what it sounds like. Please, just let me explain."

I rested my forehead on the door, waiting for a response, but I never got one. The tears were falling out of my eyes uncontrollably, unable to hold back anymore, "J-Jun? Please, I-I love you."

I felt myself slowly breaking, crumbling into pieces from losing him. I sniffled, trying my best not to let out a sob as I said, "D-Dan?"

I heard muffled sobs coming from the other side of the door, wanting nothing but for him to be alright again. But this is all my fault. There's no one to blame but myself, and I felt myself break completely when Yeonjun screamed, "Get out!" From his bedroom.

I finally started sobbing, not being able to control myself anymore. My legs felt weak, my knees crumbling until I was kneeling in front of his door, my forehead still pressed against it. From the amount I was crying, I wouldn't be surprised if my tears began to make a pool on the floor, hearing his soft cries as well. I felt my chest tighten, like I couldn't breathe from the pain I was feeling. But there's nobody to blame but myself.

January 19, 1941

I couldn't sleep last night. How was I supposed to with everything that had happened yesterday? I turned my alarm off before it even had the chance to start blaring, not wanting to get frustrated with it. I reached out and turned the lamp on, rubbing my eyes as I sat up on my bed. It was cold from not having Yeonjun's warmth near me last night, knowing how nice it feels when he holds me if I'm cold. The winter weather doesn't help at all. My sheets have the faint musk of his body as well, and that brought a pain to my chest.

He usually makes a fire for us when it's cold, still clueless on how to make one even though he's tried to teach me dozens of times. It's like a routine whenever that happens, reading a leisure book by the fire while Yeonjun just holds me. He always gets me a glass of milk and drapes a blanket over me, even if I say that a blanket isn't necessary.

The same thing happens when we're in bed. I don't even have to express that I'm cold and he'll still give most of the comforter to me. He always holds me close, wanting to capture his warmth to ensure that I'm not frigid. I'm not sure how he doesn't get cold very easily. Maybe it's just from his training or years of service that he's simply just used to it by now, but he's always so warm. Just a little shiver cannot pass by him, tightening his hold on me and whispering in my ear that everything's alright.

He did that to me just a few nights ago, kissing my forehead and wrapping his arms around me when he saw how cold I was. Everything feels so perfect when I'm in his arms. All of my worries and fears fade away knowing he's protecting me. I feel so safe and secure when he holds me. Especially when he whispers to me, "You're safe with me. Don't fret." Fuck, I can't believe I took that feeling for granted. The feeling of him holding me; the feeling of him protecting me; his soft lips against mine; his natural soothing scent; his smile and laugh; everything about him.

But I lost my everything. The love of my life. My soulmate. I just need him to listen for five minutes, but he doesn't want to. I understand why he doesn't, knowing I would be equally as furious if this was flipped around. It's just not at all what he thinks. All I need to do is explain what had happened yesterday in Oxford, but now I have no idea how I'm going to do that if he doesn't want to speak to me.

I felt a drop slide down my cheek, not even realizing that I was crying. I sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe the tear away. I'm surprised I had some left in my system at all considering the night I had. My chest tightened, putting a hand over my heart to try and relax myself. I felt my ring under my silky pajamas, and it made me want to burst into tears again. I reached my cold hand into the collar of my shirt, not caring how much pain I'm in. I took the ring out into the open, placing it on my palm so I could see it better. The lump in my throat grew, running my thumb over the smooth and delicate surface of the metal.

I took a deep breath, knowing this is all my fault. I closed my hand, holding the ring as I brought it closer to my lips. I placed a soft kiss onto my knuckles before resting my forehead onto my fist. I whispered, "I hope you know how much I love you..."

I sniffled, whispering again, "I-I'm so sorry, Jun."