the gift ⌯ am

with you

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|madison|

     I walk down the stairs, not being able to sleep tonight. Being in a new home is really weird. I just didn’t feel comfortable without my mom. She said she was going to change. She promised. But she broke it. I thought I’d have my old mom back, but it was just an illusion. It wasn’t reality. I had to accept reality. Like the fact Austin wouldn’t ever have the balls to ask me to be his girlfriend.

     Don’t get me wrong. I really like Austin. I always have liked him, and I was just being stupid not to admit it. But guys like Austin don’t “stick around”. And girls like me don’t either. If Austin couldn’t ask me out, then I’d just give up. And if Austin couldn’t ask me out and I fell more and more in love with him I’d get scared of commitment. Which I already am enough.

     I don’t want to allow myself to fall in love with Austin and just get hurt. I’ve been hurt all my life, and I didn’t want Austin to be another one on the list. But I think it’s too late to stop myself from falling any farther. Everyday I find something amazing about him, and I hope that he does the same with me. I hope he’s falling for me too, but would he ever ask me officially?

     In this “relationship” it seems I make all the first move, and don’t get me wrong its cute how flustered and shy Austin is. But maybe I just want to see this wild side in Austin like I had seen at my house yesterday. I wanna see him take charge, make me feel on high. I’d never force him to be though because, even though I hate it admit it, I love how he acts when he’s being him. 

“Madison?” I hear a woman’s voice ask, making me avert my gaze over. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t see Mrs. Mahone enter the kitchen. 

     “Hi Mrs. Mahone,” I say politely, checking my phone to see it is 1 am. Could she not sleep either? I figured I was the only one to be awake. My thoughts always kept me awake.

     “Thinking too much?” she asks, as she makes herself a cup of tea. I have to smile at the fact she seemed to already know how I was feeling. Even my mom didn’t understand me that well. She probably could though if she decided to stay sober.

     “Like always,” I say, looking over to see her looking back. She sends me a sad smile before offering me some tea. I politely nod my head, sending her a smile that was a little fake. I just don’t even what there is to smile about right now.

     Life kind of just sucks. You do so much, and it just never gets better. I haven’t got any good karma for helping Sabrina.

Or maybe I did get someone.

     I have to smile at the thought, soon seeing Mrs. Mahone slide a cup of tea in front of me. I look up at her, whispering a soft thank you before sipping on it. Silence immediately feels the room, but it’s comfortable.

     “My son really loves you. I can tell,” Mrs. Mahone lets out, before sipping on her tea. She continues too, “And I get he’s a little... odd when it comes to relationships. He’s this confident guy, but when he really deeply cares for someone he gets scared he’ll mess up.” I have to blink a few times, wondering if Mrs. Mahone really just admitted that to me.

Love? For gods sake I’m only 17.

     “I really care about him too, Mrs. Mahone. I won’t hurt him,” I assure her, watching as she places her hands on mine. I look down at them too, happy to finally feel like I had a mother. A real one who looked out for me.

     “Call me Michele dear. Unlike other girls Austin has brought home you’re the first one who seems genuine,” Michele admits, making me blush a bit. “But he’s only brought home one other girl. She cheated on him you know? Broke my heart and I bet it broke his too. But ever since you came into the picture. I don’t know. He’s been happier about this move. Trust me he’s a loyal guy, and I know he won’t hurt you. And I trust you won’t hurt him.”

     I have to smile a bit at her words. For some reason, just hearing all this come out of her mouth made me want to go to Austin. So I finish my tea, and head back upstairs. Michele stays down to finish her own tea. She even smirks a bit knowing exactly where I am heading.

Austin’s room.

     I push open his door, remaining quiet as I look at his snoozing figure. The covers on his bed only cover to about his waist, leaving his bare toned chest to be seen. I don’t mind either, loving the way his chest raises with each breath he takes. He lets out these soft snores too that are cute and not loud and annoying. 

     I close the door behind me, soon crawling into the bed with him. I know this is a bold move, but I don’t seem to care. I can feel his body heat against my own. I place my head onto his chest, and I can feel him wrap his arms around my waist. This tells me I had woken him up.

     “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just...” I start, just scared to feel vulnerable. I don’t want to look weak. I not use to it, but a part of me just wants to be with Austin. So I say it, “I wanted to be with you.”

     The words bring this small smile upon his lips when I decide to look up. He even presses his lips to my forehead for a sweet kiss. But the problem is I want his lips so badly. But I don’t want to make it obvious. But in relationships aren’t you supposed to break your own walls. Another problem is...

Did I want to?