PICK ME! {Book Reviews}

The Death of a Bachelor

Title: The Death of a Bachelor

Author: rikaaraji468

Chapters: 32

Status: Ongoing

Mature Content/Trigger warnings: none

Area of focus: Plot, dialogue, characters

I think I'll start off by saying, I think you have a really cool concept! Kinda reminds me a bit of Pride and Prejudice, which is one of my favorite books. Also, creating a whole new fantasy realm is something I've always wanted to do but never had the creativity for, so I'm glad for writers like you who do. And the idea of focusing not around the prince, but a General is great too, it's a nice twist that makes your story unique.

You also have a really nice style of writing description that I just love. That scene when Elena is running through the forest; not only did you paint a lovely picture of her surroundings when she was alone, but the way you described how she was feeling when running for her life was great. It really put the reader in that moment with her. I'd love to see more of this descriptive detail spread throughout the rest of your chapters, not only to just set the mood for the beginning of chapters or when you change point of views, because it is beautiful and will really help fill out the world you are creating.

One of my favorite parts was to read the fun banter between the Prince and Kieran, and then the Prince and others as he talked about Kieran's sudden interest in Elena. These were so fun and witty, and I could tell just by the way they were talking to each other that they have a strong bond. I think dialogue can be a great way to show relationships between characters and you do so very nicely. This is especially true between Luke and Kieran of course, but also with Elena and her mother too. I loved that first scene between the two as Elena was just trying to enjoy a cup of tea and she kept getting interrupted by her mom, and then her sister; I loved this.

In terms of plot, from what I was able to read for this review, I think you have a nice story. It's fun, lighthearted, and who doesn't love a good "enemies to lovers" story. It can be a bit slow in some parts so I would suggest maybe adding in some hints or foreshadowing for future plot that will leave readers wondering for more. You do this a bit with the talk of the "incident" that happened between Elena and Kieran when they were younger, but add in bits of it before the big reveal to help readers want to keep reading to find out what happened. Your plot is also very dialogue driven, which isn't a bad thing, but I think would flow easier by adding in some more description or details in between the dialogue. This is a great way to include information about characters as well. Maybe Kieran is upset, and he shows this while talking to Luke by running a hand over his face, or brushing his (color) hair out of his eyes in exasperation. You do this a few times and its great, don't be afraid to add more! Also, you do a nice job of describing how characters feel about events after they have happened, but include this in the moment too. What thoughts are racing through their head, what emotions are eating at their stomach? Try out different descriptive words to express their feelings too. You use "said" or "walked" a lot when there are so many great words to use that can help express what characters are thinking.

Overall, I think you have a really nice story and you should be proud of the work you have put into it. If you have more questions or something isn't clear, feel free to reach out and I'd be glad to help.

~Crimsonfred1