Wish: A Hamilton Fanfiction

Chapter 20: It's Showtime

I could hear the music advancing closer and closer to my cue. It hit far too soon. Still I walked out onto the stage. I only had a couple lines but I was still terrified. I could hear my voice shaking while I tried to sing. The first onstage moment of my career and I was ruining it. 

Carson made eye contact with me and I felt a little better. Quickly he yanked off his coat and handed it to Charlie, who almost dropped it but managed to recover. I held the coat up to him and helped him put it on. The transition was really choppy but at least we had done it. A couple more things went wrong, but nothing major, and before I knew it we were done with the first number.

Now that I was offstage I had a couple songs before I had to be out again. Thirteen minutes and thirty-six seconds. I grabbed my next costume, the sort of blue dress with a row of buttons on each side of the bodice. It wasn't easy to figure out how to attempt changing by myself; eventually I gave up and made Mariah help me. The lace cuffs around my wrists reminded me of where I was. The night was too real.

Once I was fully changed there was still a little time so I stood backstage watching every little movement. I kept checking and checking and checking that my microphone was still cut. One of the worst things that could happen to me (out of twenty-six, actually) was being caught with my mic on backstage.

I felt like panicking. I felt like running out of the building and never looking back. I felt like calling someone, I felt like not doing this song. 

I knew I would regret it so much if I didn't do it, but I didn't know how to. 

The opening beats began and I steeled myself. You have got to be a performer. The show must go on, I told myself angrily. We headed out, and I lost myself in the moment as Charlie began the opening. 

"Work, work," the ensemble sang. It's now or never.

"Angelica," Noelle introduced her character. Her voice is really amazing. Shut up and pay attention, you're next!

"Work, work," GO!

"Eliza," I sang. My voice was too quiet. I wondered if my microphone was hot (meaning, being on) or if my volume level needed to be fixed. Since that's over, just focus and do the rest of the song.

"And Peggy!" Mariah exclaimed, shoving her way to the front. The audience laughed. Some of the tension in my shoulders went away.

I had to admit we sounded so good together. The weeks of practice had paid off and we could harmonize like nothing I'd ever done before. Everything was going fine, I was finally settling in on stage, until I should have sang "people shouting in the square" and I messed up.

"New ideas in the air," I said excitedly, doing the choreography before realizing how badly I had screwed it up. Noelle, the true performer and veteran (in our eyes), changed her line to accommodate my mistake. I saw a couple confused faces in the audience but there was no time to worry about that.

The song finished with a harmony and we struck the ending pose. Loud cheers filled the air. In that moment I caught Angela's eye. She was clapping louder than anyone else.

Offstage there was only five minutes and twenty seconds to change before Right Hand Man started. As fast as I could, although clumsily, I switched dresses. This one wasn't my favorite costume to wear; it was still really pretty though. 

Right Hand Man came and went. I was really proud of Carson for being up there. He portrayed Hamilton so perfectly. Everyone was an amazing  fit for their character.

The music for A Winter's Ball started. No matter how great I felt backstage it seemed like I was always terrified upon entrance. Helpless was really scaring me on account of Carson and I still never working out how we felt around each other. And Claire...None of that now. You have to go on and nobody cares about who Zoey is. You're Eliza freaking Schuyler. 

I tried as hard as I could to get the beginning done. I was always off-pitch somehow on the first note and today was no different. Some things never-STOP THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT MUSICAL SHUT UP AND FOCUS PLEASE. Somehow we both figured it out somewhere through the song. He played Hamilton very well, the young, insecure and in love guy who was so happy to have met Eliza. I was really lucky to have found Carson. I didn't think that I would be able to do this with a different actor as Hamilton.

Noelle literally stunned everyone by singing and rapping Satisfied. I was so, so proud of her. Unfortunately after that I only had five minutes and eight seconds to change for Stay Alive. And this costume was a bit more difficult to change into.

I couldn't help but dislike Eliza's maternity dress, it made me feel uncomfortable. I'd had interesting experiences in the past.

There was nothing to do about it though, so I changed and tried not to focus on how I looked. That Would Be Enough had never been a problem for me. It went just as smoothly today as it usually did. I loved the storyline of this song, always wishing I could have that moment at some point in my life.

We went through Yorktown. Everyone was finally in their element. This was probably one of the more intense songs, we had to really bring the energy up. Everyone got it together and managed to deliver.

The next dress was my favorite, the green one. What Comes Next, Dear Theodosia, then Tomorrow There'll Be More of Us. I had always liked that bit of the show, probably because it was more "secret" as it wasn't in the cast album. 

Just Carson, James and I on the stage, Brian and Kyle on the surround up above. One of the most beautiful, tragically beautiful, moments of the show.

"I may not live to see our glory," James sang. Already I felt my heart breaking for the characters.

"Alexander? There's a letter for you," I told Carson. 

"It's from John Laurens, I'll read it later." He brushed Eliza off, not knowing what the letter would contain. Something that would change his world forever.

"But I will gladly join the fight," The song intertwined with the dialogue in the scene made it all the more sad. I hated having to play through this, but there was something so amazing about putting myself into Eliza on the stage.

Non-Stop was probably the most fun I'd had in a while. The entire cast was finally figuring out what it was like to be on stage. It was simple, one big charade that was so close to real life at the same time. 

The audience applauded loudly when the first act came to a close, and we all gathered backstage to freak out about our first night on Broadway. 

Noelle noticed me looking at Claire. I had no idea what to do. "You should talk to her," she said quietly. I sighed, knowing she was right.

The expression Claire gave me when she glanced up held the same mix of terror and uncertainty that I felt as I stood there.

"I...need to talk to you," I said quickly, trying not to make eye contact and failing.

"Yeah, me too," she responded. "After the show, okay?"

I nodded. I was unsure whether I could wait that long before my overthinking screwed everything up, but if that's what she wanted, that was what I would do.

If only the conversation would, you know, go the way I wanted it to.

a/n

helloooo took a mental health break last week but i'm glad to be here again :D

i've started a new project and i'll release it probably today, it isn't fiction but it's quite interesting and i love doing it so i hope you'll enjoy (fun fact, nobody liked this book so- lmao i don't even know what it's supposed to be about)

don't forget to comment and vote! love you all!