Wish: A Hamilton Fanfiction

Chapter 4: First Impressions

trigger warning: self-hate

A sharp, beeping alarm cut into my dream and my eyes snapped open. Typically I wasn't much of a morning person, but this was the most important morning of my life. I had to be able to get up and GO. The entire world felt like it was slowly snapping together, like finding a missing puzzle piece underneath a couch cushion. Another step closer to my dream becoming reality.

I slid off of the cot and made my way into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Noticing my face in the mirror I realized how terrible I looked. God, you're ugly. I thought in disgust. There's no way anybody is going to like you at rehearsal. You're just the girl who started the program, all the other people are going to be a million times prettier and nicer and everyone is going to love them so much. And not you. Because you can never be loved.

I hated my brain. Somehow I had to stop this spiral, but it didn't seem to be possible. The pain of pinching my wrist jolted me out of it. Shut up and get ready, you're gonna be late. 

My suitcase was such a mess. Thankfully it only took a minute to pull out my "first day of rehearsal" outfit that I had been dreaming about since I was ten. It seemed like I had waited my whole life for this moment. Coming out of the bathroom I caught my reflection and was stunned at how professional I looked. Good, this outfit would do something to my confidence at least. 

I dragged a brush through my hair before throwing it into some kind of sleek, semi-professional looking thing. As I grabbed my makeup bag from my suitcase my insecurity immediately came flying back. From the outside it looked like I had barely done anything, nobody would know how much concealer I had used. But it's fine, I reminded myself. Anything for what I need.

"Are you excited?" Ellie asked.

"So excited. And nervous. More nervous..."

"It'll be fine," she said. "L makes the best muffins, do you want one?"

She handed me a cinnamon muffin, which I barely had time to eat in my haste to arrive early. I ran back upstairs to grab my purse and double-check that I had everything I wanted. It looked like everything was in its place.

"Thank you so much! Bye!" I yelled over my shoulder. I couldn't move fast enough, I was so excited. Out the front door of the house and onto the sidewalk. Down to the subway station. Nothing could stop me from buying a ticket and getting on the train. 

 New York was just as busy as I had heard, and dreamed about, and expected. Somehow the entirety of it all didn't bother me. I had never felt so...alive. 

Pretty soon I was staring down the sign outside the chosen place for our rehearsal. So many famous shows began like this, and I was stepping into the legacy of another. I stopped for a moment to stare at the massive building. Today was the day the stars aligned, the one I had been waiting my entire life for. I walked around to a back door which was half-hidden behind a post and found a security-type person waiting outside the door. "Name?" they asked.

"Zoeyla Rodriguez." I said with a smile. I dug a pass out of my bag and showed it as well. Their expression cleared and they stepped aside to let me head through the door. Giddiness rose up in my chest and I couldn't help but dance a little as I traveled down the beginning of the hall. Thankfully I heard the person coming and stopped before our encounter.

"Zoey! How's it feel to be here?" Lin asked as he rounded the corner. I could barely speak and had to remind myself to breathe.

"It's so incredible, I still can't believe it. You don't get to live your dream every day and it's just crazy." I explained, bouncing on my toes. 

"We'll wait a little for everyone to get here before we start rehearsal, how about you go put your stuff in the Schuyler sisters' dressing room? Keep going straight and then it should be on the hallway to your left." 

I nodded, his words only just sinking in. What was I doing in a famous Broadway theater? Everything was locking into place. The world had come together, for a day at least, to give me the craziest dream I'd ever had. "Don't forget your introduction!" Lin called after me as I kept walking.

"Got it memorized!" I called back. I found the end of the hallway and turned left just as Lin had told me to. All of a sudden I realized what I was seeing. My idol and celebrity crush, none other than the Phillipa Soo, was standing at the end of the hallway. My brain short-circuited, my mouth dropped open, and I was trying not to melt into a puddle on the floor. I took a deep breath, walked toward her and smiled. "Hi..." I said nervously.

"Hi! Zoeyla, right? Lin's told me all about you. I'm really excited for this program!" she said excitedly, her eyes shining. 

"Um, yeah, I'm Zoey, though you already know that." I said. God, get it together Zoeyla! You sound like a basket case. "Sorry, it's just such an honor to be meeting you and...you're just such a big idol to me..." I could feel tears starting in my eyes. Get. It. Together. Now.

"Thank you, it's an honor to be your idol." she responded sweetly. 

"Um, yeah, thanks, I actually have to go- do something real quick, see you in a bit!" I mumbled before rushing off to the nearest bathroom to get myself together. It took a while of half-crying in front of the mirror before I noticed the girl next to me doing her hair. "Oh, my god, I'm so sorry!" I cried while frantically trying to wipe smudged mascara off my face.

"No, you're totally fine. We all get pretty starstruck." she assured me. "Do you want help redoing your makeup?" I was taken aback by the kindness of this girl. I had known her for two minutes and yet she was offering to help me.

"That would be nice." I said with a half smile. "Thank you! I'm Zoeyla but you can call me Zoey, I'm a Schuyler sister and I'm way too excited to be here." 

She laughed at that. "Cool, I'm Mariah! Guess we're sisters then. You older or younger?" I whispered in her ear and she smiled. "I can't wait." After a minute longer, she pulled away. "You're done! Let's go kill it." she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the bathroom. I laughed a little and immediately surprised myself with the fact that I was making new friends already.

People were already waiting on the stage by the time we got there, making a sort of circle. I took my place next to Lin and my mentor. "Quiet on set!" Lin called, which got everybody's attention. "Thank you for coming here today, and now I'll turn it over to Zoey!" All eyes zoomed to me. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to explain the specifics of what everyone was doing here.

a/n

editing: done! i don't even know what i was doing writing this story lmao

this is outdated but still --> congrats to joe biden and kamala harris! 

if you haven't watched kamala's speech

and i am dead serious (and editing blue is STILL dead serious)

GO

WATCH

IT

NOW

RIGHT

NOW

I MEAN IT RIGHT THIS SECOND

*waits*

alright u did? congratulations! you just experienced a powerful speaker! 

i hope ur having a great day/week/month and i'll see you next chapterrrrrrr

xx