Wish: A Hamilton Fanfiction

Chapter 8: Complicated

~sometime in the future~

At this point I was almost in tears. Having her find me like this, I felt ashamed and it felt like nothing was fine. I didn't deserve the way she was talking to me, I didn't deserve the way she'd stopped me. I could feel how cold it was, I could feel her hand on my wrist, but it felt like I was watching a movie from outside of myself. I cried there in her arms. Her voice was like cool water on a burn but I couldn't believe what she was saying. I stood up and walked a little closer. The sudden grasp on my wrist made me jump and we both almost fell. 

"Don't, please." she begged. 

~and now the present~

Of course, yet again, I was being saved by people I barely knew. As my newfound Hamilton family deliberated on what to do about my housing situation I felt numb. I'd made it all the way here only to find an insane amount of challenges. Maybe my dreams had come true but they were a thousand times harder than they should have been. Or maybe all "happy endings" turned out this way. Hopefully it'd be fine eventually. I could barely hear what anyone was saying even though they were right near me. As best as I could I brought myself back to the present and tried to focus. 

As soon as rehearsal was over, Mariah grabbed her bag and stormed out the door. Day 1 of rehearsal and I'd already made an enemy. Just my luck. I stared at the closed door, replaying the moment over and over again of Mariah leaving. The girl I'd thought would be my best friend during this show. At least I had Noelle. But I saw the way she was still distant from me. The way she'd befriended others quickly, acted like my older sister but she didn't have time for me. And the ensemble girls were nice enough, but they had their own group. On and on I went in circles through my head.

I was drowning.

I was barely saved some minutes later when Noelle grabbed me by the arm and forced me back to reality. After much discussion it had been decided that Noelle would bring me to her apartment, at least for the moment. My eyes were glued to her perfectly manicured hand as it dug through her bag, tapped out a couple things on the screen of her phone, and held the phone to her ear. Why am I so freaking nervous?  It's not like I'm going to be put out on the street. It felt like the entire room was holding its breath. She was speaking so rapid-fire I barely even heard her. 

And all of a sudden it was set in stone. I'd be temporarily living with Noelle while I did whatever it would take to get me into a real place. Although, at fourteen that was impossible. I didn't know how temporary housing even worked, how my entire situation even worked. 

The walk to the apartment was a blur, the cold air hitting my face but I barely felt it. Noelle led me through a revolving door and the marble floor under my boots was so polished I could see my reflection in it. Me: a girl with windblown hair and a chin tilting toward the ground. I looked the same as always, but so different. It felt like everything and nothing had changed in the time since I'd written that letter. No, I didn't expect to even receive a response, but since then I'd thrown the bar miles higher. If one impossibility could come true than a whole world of them could. Only now I realized how flawed that logic was.

As we entered the elevator and slowly headed up I wondered how much of my thinking was this flawed. 

"Hey." Noelle said, grabbing my arm as the doors dinged open. "Are you okay?"

"Um...yeah, I'm fine." I said but I knew I wasn't convincing anybody, even myself. She let me off with a raised eyebrow, slipping her key into the door and shoving it open. 

The first thing that hit me about her house was how beautiful it was, and cool, and how homey it managed to feel. "Ma, I'm home!" she called. A woman came bustling out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Noelle! And you must be Zoeyla! We're so happy to have you here, you can call me Ma too." she told me graciously. "Alright, what would you like to drink? I'll start making dinner in a minute. And-" Ma stopped to put her hands on her hips and look at Noelle. "Bring Zoey to your room! Girl, you know how to behave around guests!" 

"Okay, Ma." laughed Noelle, and with that we headed into an absolutely stunning room. The walls appeared to be painted white but they were absolutely covered in graffiti. But it wasn't just graffiti script; there were drawings all over the walls and messages in amazing fonts. There were a bunch of printed photos and Polaroids taped around as well. She took one look at me with my mouth open and laughed. 

"Not what you expected, huh?" she laughed.

"No, Noelle, this is...this is amazing. I would KILL for a room like this it's so incredible!" 

"It's my space, so Ma lets me do whatever I want with it, within reason. And she doesn't want me doing graffiti in alleys or anything so she lets me do it on these walls." Noelle looked so proud as she glanced around her room. I counted at least two or three Hamilton references and some from many other musicals as well. 

"It's the best of all worlds." I assured her. She showed me where I could put my stuff and gave me a mini tour of the house. They didn't have enough room to have a guest room in their apartment but Noelle had a window seat sort of thing that doubled as a bed, which was where I'd sleep. 

We ate dinner and I learned a lot about Noelle and Ma, who in turn learned a lot about me. Noelle and I did the dishes while Ma turned on Wheel of Fortune before heading back upstairs to Noelle's room. 

"Okay." she said as soon as we sat down. "We need to clear up all this nonsense between you and Mariah right now before you completely ruin your chemistry and ruin the mood of rehearsals as wel-"

"Alright who told you to do this?" I was beginning to get annoyed with her because nothing was happening! She immediately dropped her head and started playing with the edge of the blanket.

"Nobody told me to do anything, I'm just trying to fix things, Zoey. You two were becoming best friends and now you won't even look each other's way. We're supposed to be sisters but you're becoming enemies!"

I rolled my eyes. "It's just because Carson seems to like me but she likes him and she thinks I'm taking him away from her. It's nothing, she'll be over it soon."

"But it isn't nothing, Zoey, and she won't be over it! You've seen how Mariah is...." she trailed off. "Do you like him?" she asked suddenly.

It took me a moment to answer. "Well...I mean I...well he's...maybe?" I felt like I should like him, after the way I'd seen him see me. And he was cute, but for some reason the spark wasn't there. I didn't understand why I couldn't fall in love like I had a thousand times over. What the hell is wrong with me?

a/n

editing: finished

what is this future timeskip? did i use it in the future? answer: no. enjoy that

why did i only know hamilton and the great comet existed

honestly, past self

and here's where i mentioned anthony...yeah. that's still weird to me. ramos, miranda, and now barrera please just learn some sense :)

anyway i hope you are having a great day, ily and you are amazing <3