The weather was perfect, the sun was setting & there was a warm breeze. The sun glistened against the shiny stones, but on his stone it shined even brighter than usual. A small smiled beamed out of my lips & I took a deep breath. I set down a bouquet of sunflowers & a stuffed animal, a horse to be exact.
"Happy 1 year anniversary love, I miss you. I wish I was able to see that pretty smile of yours again.. I miss your laugh & the way your blue eyes sparkled when something good happened. To this day, I still long for the goodness of your heart..you were so brave to go. You left..not knowing you'd never return but I know deep down you knew, maybe that's why you bought me that necklace before you left," I smiled as I lightly grabbed the sunflower necklace Soda gave me before he left to Vietnam.
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"Alright..I have to go now. I'll miss you & please write to me..will ya? Oh- before I forget, I bought you this," Soda pulled out a gold sunflower necklace with the middle being a shade of burgundy. "Remember that one time we went down by the lake? We saw that one sunflower near the bushes of daisies? You'll always be my sunflower, you're the reason I'm okay now. I love you Y/n," he smiled & chuckled. I nodded & returned a smile, the pit in my stomach reminded me that he was saying his goodbye, his goodbye in the sense of: we'll never know if he'll return until he actually does.
"Thanks Soda! It's lovely," he put it on me & as I turned around the sergeant called out to get on the bus. I gave him one last hug, trying to feel all of him before he left. I could sense that he was starting to tear up, we pulled away & he gave me one last kiss. "I love you," I told him. He smiled at me one last time before he turned & headed into the bus filled with other boys who had put their lives on the line as well. I stayed until all the buses left, I just watched my best friend, my boyfriend, & my soulmate leave & nothing had hurt more because I knew I couldn't do anything to make it stop, except just hope he'd make it back. The sun was setting & it was starting to get cold; I slowly walked back home, feeling empty.
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"I hope you're okay, wherever you are. I wonder if you're with Johnny & Dal, I hope ya'll are getting along," I laughed. "I also wonder if you're with your parents..you deserve to see them," I choked out. "The boys are doin' alright.. it still hurts Soda. I always try to check up on Pony, he's getting older everyday. He's starting to look more like you, I just want him to be okay, I really do. He's just a kid & has lost too many people already. Darry..he's, well he's hanging in there. I go over every now & then to try & make food for them but, sometimes I accidentally make you a plate hoping you'd magically show up. Two & Steve split it though," My tears poured down my face & I just kept envisioning the boys, all together like how they use to be. "Two, he's the same Ol'Two, he won't show his sadness not until he starts drinkin. It's worse now, he drinks so much more now that you're gone. It's quite sad, he's drowning himself away. Oh poor Steve, I don't think you understand how much of a mess he is. He has his good days & his bad but, he's not the same & I don't believe he ever will be. He's broken Soda, he's broken real good. He also has so much pent up anger, he always says he should've left, that he should've gone instead of you..I have faith he'll make it though. There's a new worker at the DX now. That place is still the same but we all know that when we walk in we won't see your face anymore." I spoke softly to his grave, I looked at the engraved stone, "Sodapop Patrick Curtis." I traced my finger on it.
"Oh um.. I got this stuffed horse for Mickey Mouse. Technically he wasn't yours but, we all know he was & I hope you enjoy it. You always talked about how much you missed him. I know it'll get dirty, I'll come back soon to clean it & keep him clean," Anytime I came to visit Soda, I like to update him on everything. I don't want him missin' out on anything.
"Can't believe it's been a year since we first got together, crazy. I remember meeting you at a drag race. The moment I saw you I knew that you were the one. I just knew it. Then you came up to me & my friend Mandy. You were so filled with charm & beauty. The moment I saw you smile, my heart swooned. From there you asked if I wanted to eat afterwards & I agreed. After that, we kept going out on dates & then on this very day, May 17th, you asked me to be your girlfriend & I said yes. It was the best day of my life." I smiled & looked around & realized it was starting to get dark. "Well, unfortunately I have to go, bye Soda. I'll come back another to check up on you & Mickey."
I took one last look at his grave stone, "Bye my sunflower," I spoke softly & walked away. I was headed home, I fiddled with my necklace. I felt hopeless in the sense of: This pain will never get easier, but hopeful in the sense of: Everyday I'm getting closer to reuniting with him again.
