Warning: Cursing
"I just..I can't believe it! You told me that you would never do that to me! You told me that you were different then Silvia..Y/n..Screw you.." Dal raged out, I could see the hot tears waiting to beam out; but knowing him, he'd never do it in front of me.
"Dal..Dal I'm sorry...I promise you that I am truly sorry.. I don't know what was going through my head I-"
"There was nothin' goin' through that damn fucken head of yours Y/n! God..& to think that I was actually going to fall in love with you.." he chuckled & shook his head.
Yes, I knew that my mistake will never be forgiven, I already knew that. Now this though, him telling me that he was falling in love with me is crazy. We never agreed on falling in love with each other, yet we both knew that it was bound to happen. Dal & I had a somewhat weird relationship, we were together but, we never said "I love you" or anything along those lines. Maybe, I guess maybe I just never expected him to love me because I knew he never knew how too.
"Why? Why did you cheat on me with a middle class? Was it because I wasn't 'rich' enough for you? Or because you were embarrassed to be with me? Y/n..tell me why?" He sighed, I could tell he wished to continue to yell at me but he knew it would be best not too.
"Dal..I was never embarrassed of you & you know damn well I don't care about money! Look, I simply..I don't-" Once again, he cut me off.
"You don't know what? Why you did it? Cut the bullshit. You know exactly why you did it. So tell me!" He began to raise his voice again.
"Because I didn't want you to do it to me first..I didn't want to be in pain," I finally admitted.
"Do what? Cheat? I told you I'd never do that to you," He puffed out.
"I- I just knew how you were like before & I was scared shitless of you cheating on me with some gorgeous broad so I did it first." I just looked at his shoes.
"Lame ass excuse! It's full of bullshit just like you! I'm so done Y/n. For the first time, I actually thought that I'd be able to be in a happy relationship with someone..I should've just stuck with hook ups" He looked at me with pure hatred in his eyes.
I wasn't going to beg for forgiveness or beg for him back, I knew what I did. I wasn't even intoxicated which is still no excuse. I hurt someone before I got hurt, maybe I should've listened to everyone telling me he's changing a lot & for the better because of me. I should've have taken that as a sign that he was becoming a better person being with me, yet I listened to my mind & went out to hurt the only boy I've ever cared for. That's what I get, that's my punishment.
He grabbed the rest of his things, which wasn't much just two pairs of jeans & a couple of shirts but that was it.
"I hate you," He spoke to me. I nodded & just looked at the ground.
"You have every reason to.." I responded. He just looked at me & huffed. His nostrils were flaring & his eyes seems black & glossy.
"I hope that he leaves you for a better broad out there! Don't come to me or the gang again."
"You know damn well that I don't stay with people long Dallas." I said in a stern voice. I never called him Dallas, it had always been Dal. I wish I could go back to the past or at least listened to someone.
"Why- why couldn't you just love me?" He broke down. I flinched at his sudden emotional overtake. I had never seen him cry, ever. Although I knew he would cry eventually I didn't think he'd have the guts to do it in front of me. He wasn't helping this aching in my heart.
"Dal..I- I wish I could've loved you sooner, honestly believe me on that. The thing is, I just didn't think you'd fall for me..I didn't think I'd be the one to change you... it's usually someone that quite opposite from you but I'm not. We're similar & I just..I have no words.." I just saw him standing there, looking at the ground with his clothes clutched in his hands & I could see the tears quickly fall down his sculpted cheeks. He looked like a beautiful Angel pouring his pain out.
He stood like that for what seemed like ages, eventually he finally began to walk. His steps seemed heavy & slow, I wish he could leave already he wasn't helping my process of 'fall for & then leave when it gets too serious'
I get it, I seemed like a total bitch which I'm not going to argue with; the thing is I already knew I wasn't ever going to get as close as I did with Dal. I already saw my future, it's just me reminiscing my ideal love for him & being alone & never fulfilled.
He walked up to me, right in front of me & looked at me with watery red eyes. I looked down at his lips which were a low bright red & his skin looked pale.
"Kiss me.." he silently spoke in the softest tone I had ever heard. This seemed so cliqué, like those love movies we would see at the drive-in.
"No" I shook my head slowly. I knew if I did it I would beg for his forgiveness & I was trying to save myself all the dreadful pain that comes after he leaves.
"I said kiss me," He looked at me. I shook my head once more, he put his hand up to my jawline & made me look directly at him.
I just starred at him for a second, trying to process all of this. It all was just blurry.
I could feel myself lean in, I wanted to stop but I just kept going until his lips finally met mine. He kissed me so roughly & it was a complete mess.
"Dallas.." I breathed in between the kiss, he placed my hand on his wrist.
"Stop..Stop or else I'm not going to be able to leave you alone," I choked out. He just looked at me & once again he kissed me. I didn't get it, he said he hated me & he didn't want anything to do with me anymore yet here he is; kissing me like he wants to get in my pants.
Once we pulled away, first I had catched my breathe, secondly I just huffed & crossed my arms.
"We're toxic, Dallas this isn't as pure if it's toxic!" I raised my voice.
"You want this relationship to work? Then just give me some time to figure myself out!" I spoke to him. He just shook his head, I furrowed my eyebrows.
"That wasn't my intention Y/n..I just need you to realize what you are going to miss." He licked his lips & chuckled. So he already turned cold again huh? Should've seen it coming honestly, that's something the both of us have in common.
He walked past me & I could feel the coldness of the outside & then a loud bang of the door being slammed shut. My punishment is losing the one thing that I needed. Love.
I just stood there, looking at the door & trying my best to comprehend what just happened & put all the pieces together. I was also trying to plant my feet on the ground instead of rushing out the door to ask for forgiveness. Minutes had past when I finally began to sob, I felt everything. Every happy moment with him, every moment of intimacy, & every moment of the love that radiated throughout our kisses. I stood there in front of the door hoping he'd come back, but I knew he wouldn't.
I stood there falling apart just like he was earlier. I caused my own pain, I guess I have to live with it now.
