Fading Away

▪︎ Underwater ▪︎

I z u k u ' s  P O V

"I could have done more, I could have done more, I could have done more— better, it wasn't enough, it's my fault he died, I really am a useless successor I—"

I held my head in my hands, curled up in a ball, my world had faded, just pitch black and my thoughts consumed me, I felt like I was underwater, drowning.

Bumping into Eri opened my eyes... brought me back to reality, it- it gave me a purpose because I couldn't bear the burden of her suffering.

It has been a week since the Hassakai raid... at least I think so...and Sir Nighteye's death... and since Mirio-senpai lost his quirk. It was all my fucking fault. I could feel my tears running down my cheeks, but I couldn't see anything. What is wrong with me!?

"Izu—! Izuku, wake up..!"

'Is that Kacchann?'

I felt arms wrapped around my waist, warm and strong arms, protecting me. I managed to open my eyes with a gasp escaped my mouth and shot up from the bed, cold sweat dripping from my face.

"Izuku? Nightmares again? You were talking in your sleep... do you wanna talk about it?" Kacchan asks, wiping away my tears with his sleeve, I got closer to him and let my head fall over his shoulder, he pats my hair gently.

I have been sleeping over at his dorm for two weeks now, since... my attempt... I still don't want to go to therapy, it's pointless and expensive and unnecessary and—

"Zuku... you know there was nothing more you could have done, right?"

"Z-Zuku...? That's a r-really cute pet name... Kacchan.." I mumbled, wiping my tears away, trying to get them to stop pouring. I don't want to talk about it, I want to forget everything and rot away somewhere, all alone... this is suffocating...! I wanna hide- 

"Kacchan, I-I need to go to the bathroom... You- You can g-go back to s-sleep." I said and he nodded, letting go of my body as I also pulled away and left the bed, heading for the bathroom. 

I gently closed the door and washed my face with cold water, after that, I looked at my reflection as bits of water dripped from my chin and landed on my shirt. I held the bottom of the black sweater and slowly lifted it up, turning sideways and examining my stomach size. 

Touching my pale skin, starting from my upper chest, I really could feel my ribs... it was as bad as before, then my hand moved to my stomach, it was bigger, I could tell and that made me feel ashamed, was I getting fat...?

'You have always been fat'

'It's nothing new, you pig'

'Now that you're alone, why don't you cut?'

'I shouldn't cut, it's pointless--'

'That's not what you thought for the past four years, Deku'

'B-But even if I did, Kacchan would find out...'

'It will before stress relief, you don't need to cut on your wrists, cut over the side of your stomach this time, no one will notice the new lines'

'But-'

'Besides, you have to punish yourself for failing All Might'

'You let Sir Nighteye die'