More Than I Bargained For

Chapter Thirty: Nobody Wins

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Chapter Thirty

Things with Drew and I didn't get better. They didn't come close to better - nowhere near it.

When we went out to clubs, the nights often ended like the first night out to the club. And he'd always make it feel like it was my fault, like I was doing something wrong each time.

We began to fight a lot, often about the same things and about little, petty things. It could be something as simple as me not returning his phone call or coming over to his house ten minutes to late. It seemed as if everything was a reason to fight with him.

Whenever I told his I was alone with Grady he'd get upset and most of the times come over. He always suspected the worst. Always. And I was sick of it.

"We need to talk," I said, sitting up on my bed.

"Okay," Drew said, sitting up as well. He kissed me on my neck. "What about?"

I bit my lip, not knowing what to say or where to start.

"About what?" Drew asked.

"Everything," I said.

"Everything like what?"

"Everything like EVERYTHING. Including us."

"What's wrong with US?"

"It's just..." I choked up, suddenly not sure whether or not to go through with this.

"It's just what?" Drew asked harshly.

"Calm down."

"I am calm."

"No, you're not."

"YES, I am!"

"Stop it! See, that's one thing, right there. You get upset too easily, now."

"No, you just push my buttons easily."

"Stop being so damn stubborn, Drew. We need to talk about this, you need to hear this. It's the truth."

"Okay. Then go ahead, Ms.All Knowing. Give us the truth."

I sighed deeply. "We're not working anymore."

"What?"

"We, you and I, are not working anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that this isn't working anymore!"

"What's wrong?"

"It's mostly you, Drew. You can't get over what's happened."

"Do you blame me?"

"Well no, I don't blame you for keeping what happened in your mind, but it's time to let it go. I haven't done anything since then, and every since what happened you don't trust me anymore."

"How can I trust you anymore?"

"If you can't trust me, why are still with me? Trust is important in any relationship, and we don't have it anymore."

"And whose fault is that?"

"Don't do that. You ALWAYS do that. You always try to flip it back on me. Just give it up. Yes, I have done wrong, but you've done the same to me. Even more than what I've done. And you always try to make it seem like I am the reason everything's wrong."

"You are."

"I'm not!" Tears started to spill. "We cannot live like this anymore. It's not healthy, for you or me. It's like, you're never wrong. You would rather sit there and argue, every single time, then just walk away or admit your faults. You don't trust me. You act like you're better than me, especially after what I did. You fight for no reason, and you never apologize. You say you love me, but I wonder if it's even true anymore. I've put up with it, because I felt guilty. But I'm done. There's no reason left to try. I'm done crying over you, over something's that never going to change. We've gone too far to come back now. The damage is done. I never thought we'd come to this. But we can't keep doing this. With us living like this...nobody wins."

Drew was silent.

"So...what does this mean?" Drew asked, so quietly I could barely hear him.

"That...this - us - is over," I said.

"Done?"

"Yes, done. We're done. It's over." I looked at Drew, and he looked sort of shocked and in disbelief. "I love you Drew, but just not in that way anymore. There's nothing there. All of our wrongs outweigh our rights."

More silence.

"This is it," Drew clarified.

"Yeah," I said, hugging him. "This is it."

I slid the ring he gave me off my finger, and placed it in his palm, closing his hand around it. I kissed his hand softly.

"For you," I whispered. I kissed him softly on the cheek. "This is it."

"This is it."