tw for any bored mf reading this, mentions of Suicidal thoughts
(don't judge me, I was bored when I made the cover)
Istg Idk what to do. I still effing 17 and it feels like life is falling apart. I have friends but no one I can talk to without feeling like I'm troubling them, one of the many reasons I'm posting this shit. Just yesterday my mother, who knows I'm suicidal came up to me and said
"Why can't you for once make me feel proud of yourself, you used to be soo good at academics, and now I have to lie to people about your grades. All you can do is act weak by thinking of committing suicide"
I had a whole ass breakdown after that lmao. The thing that actually hurt is that she knows, I used to go to a therapist once (which I had to stop cause she'd taunt me about how I'm only doing it for attention and how I'm wasting her money) who gave me anti-depressants that made go all SOFT, so I had a breakdown in front of her, which is rare, and told her about everything. How I felt when she said something like that and how I now feel insecure and a fucking loser because that's what I've always been called. ME, SOMEONE WHO'S GOOD AT NOTHING.
Like I trusted her and then she goes and backstab me and tells me it's my own fault she's taunting me.
I often use books as an escape, but lately, it's getting more depressing. The emptiness I feel every time I finish a book is getting worse. The idea of there being a much more beautiful world out there while I'm here stuck in my own mind, in the body of a person who loathes themselves. It's hard to admit and I feel like I can't take it anymore. Her life will only get better if I'm out of it. The Holy one keeping me here, my little brother. My mom would blame him for me for the rest of his life ad I can't take that. I'd set the entire world on fire if it equaled to my brother's happiness. Never gonna admit it to him tho haha.
Well enough for now. Will be back soon with another stupid problem.
see you next time........................ or not HehEheHe
Ps i love a good sub
YOU ARE READING
Just Me Ranting
Non-Fictiondon't read it lmao, it just felt calming to post it as a book or whatever. TW if your sorry ass is reading this, mentions of su!c!dal thoughts and self h@rm.
