Just Me Ranting

Relapsed

Well for one, I fucking relapsed but whatever ig. So I had a breakdown like 4 days ago, my mum somehow hacked into my Instagram account and read all the fucking messages I sent to my friends and then had the audacity to give me the silent treatment... why? oh, I was joking about some NSFW content. 

I really don't understand, the saddest part is it's all happened before, it did start with her reading my diary back when I was probably 12-13. I forgave her then but she did it again and again and again. Eventually, I stopped writing and came here instead but really tf is this invasion of my privacy.

I honestly didn't think she could stoop lower than telling me about her fucking non-existent sex life but she legit told me it was bad to even feel horny and then went on to tell me about how she's never had an orgasm???!! tf you traumatizing me for.

That shit apart, I also talked to my friends about being omnisexual and my mum is trying to ignore it and when I pushed her for some sort of reaction she said it's just my mind playing tricks on me and that I'm not actually Omni. It's hard. 

She's suffocating me and I might just snap at any fucking moment, and in for sure that it'll be an impulsive decision, it's like tryna hold a train with bare hands... can't do it unless you're spider-man💀.

I don't get why sh feels good either... like I'll be spirling and pain and also the scars or anything that leaves a mark just stops from spiraling like I'd still cry over being a burden or feel guilty but that's it and it's really calming.

I feel like a bitch saying that about mum cause she's been through all the trauma you could imagine and the same with my dad. But I still hate the fact that they didn't get the therapy they know they need.

I'm sorry. 

wait idk why I always say I'm sorry. But it feels right so whatever.