I spent all my fucking time rewatching a few marvel movies.
I'm sorry I'm just feeling awful right now and I just feel like I had to let it out somehow, this is the only way.
It's really hard to explain how I feel because I could just say I'm sad but that's not it.
It's as if some shield outside me has collapsed and now I'm realizing that I'm absolutely alone even though I have people around me. just want to hide under a fucking bed in the corner of the room to physically quite literally create a shield which obviously won't make me feel any better since the shield was imaginary.
It's fucking hard, I wanna cry and scream but I'm emotionally exhausted.
As much of a cliché as this is I don't even know who I am anymore. There's no ME. I change who I am depending on who I'm with and when I'm alone I'm just a person who exhausted, emotionally and physically, I mean in it's the depression and anxiety but I can't fucking continue going to the therapist cause I have mother .......... well honestly a mother whose parents traumatized her but I still don't think that excused what she says and does yet I still can't help but feel guilty about hating her but I do.
And my sadistic side wants to go on a fucking killing spree. My logical side wants to just forgive her but I can't and the fact I can't make me drown in self-loathing, not that I love myself anyway........ I hate myself bruh.
Imma just kms. Everything i feel is way to much. I feel empty and i can't take this anymore. I just want to escape this feeling. I'm sorry.
YOU ARE READING
Just Me Ranting
Non-Fictiondon't read it lmao, it just felt calming to post it as a book or whatever. TW if your sorry ass is reading this, mentions of su!c!dal thoughts and self h@rm.
